I’m sorry dear. <3 I believe you.

I’m 25 and involved with someone twice my age (or more- he’s 57). I don’t really know how to assert myself. He’s very bossy and reminds me of what a ‘little girl’ I am all the time. I can’t blame anyone but myself I guess since I’m over 20 but it drives me nuts. I want to be an equal and if I assert myself he…

You owe me a new pair of underwear because I just pissed myself laughing. Bravo.

More booze.

HAHAHA. I once overheard the 4 year old I babysat tell his little sister, “SANTA ISN’T REAL. And neither is God. SO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT,”

Honesty is a virtue. Good kid.

One of the times I got arrested the cops tried the old Law & Order favorite - “He’s in the next room pinning it all on you!” and I actually sat there blankly and said, “No, he isn’t. I watch Law & Order. Everyone does.”

He yelled at me and called me a smart ass and I truly wasn’t trying to be a smart ass. I was just…

I recommend bringing nips of hard liquor in your purse and/or pocket so you can play your own private drinking game. I’m white but that’s what I do when I visit clueless/offensive/annoying relatives.

Are you my long lost family? Can I venture home now?

My mom was driving in a fairly urban area and saw a chimpanzee walking down the sidewalk. She did a double take and told my dad to look, he couldn’t see it and told her she was nuts and seeing things. Later on it was on the news that a chimpanzee had in fact escaped from a sort of a farm for
problem” zoo animals.

I’ve been in prison. I’d rather be locked than killed. Eventually in prison you can get your commissary going, talk to people, do other shit, even get a job or get outside or finish a degree. Maybe that’s the atheist in my talking but I don’t want to die. I don’t think anything else is coming. Men’s prison (I’m a…

I made an account again just to tell you bravo and I’m going to share this with other people. Maybe you should put it on a t-shirt. (Been to jail several times, prison once, currently on track in life).