He’s everything I want in a President. If he does not get the nomination I am issuing an empty threat to move to Nova Scotia.

I don’t see why he can’t win. I voted for Dubya twice and I changed my registration in NY to cast what is probably a wasted vote for Bernie in the primary. Because I believe him. If he doesn’t get the nomination, i don’t ever want to hear another thing about cynical Republicans. He could beat any of the morons the GOP…

Oh, you know EXACTLY what is happening there. That person is fucken READY for some O’Malley meat. That’s right: the fuck of the Irish!

The most comfortable shoes I have ever owned and run in are the NB Minimus 1010 Trail. Unfortunately, they fall apart WAY quick, but damn are they amazing on your feet for the few months that they last.

The most comfortable shoes I have ever owned and run in are the NB Minimus 1010 Trail. Unfortunately, they fall…

What a rascal.

I have been in lust with her since “The Counselor”. She looks nothing like Kermit’s new gal. Nothing, I tell you!!

Dad jokes are generally the actual position held by the joker but stated as a joke in case someone takes offense.

Surprisingly they cut the segment where Affleck gets in her face and screams, “You want fucking diversity? My family fucking OWNED slaves, bitch! OWNED them! It doesn’t get any more diverse than that shit right there! BOOM! Mic drop! D’ja see that batburn, Bourne?”

He plays for Marvin Lewis and the last thing the Comish needs is a racism accusation.

Roger Goodell announced early Monday morning that having viewed the tape on the Jones/Cooper incident that Mr. Jones was to be summarily executed by firing squad. The Bengals and the NFLPA are appealing the decision. Mr. Jones posted a video to Instagram showing himself defecating on the NFL logo while chanting the…

Huckabee is a piece of shit and was put in his place once upon a time by the patron saint of the right, Ronnie Reagan:

Personally, I am baffled as to no one bringing up that you obviously changed your last name to hide your wizarding heritage.

I was envisioning a different David Wells:

Soccer’s fulla pedophiles?

Ronda Rousey is fucking insanely gorgeous and anyone who can’t see that is either blind, stupid or was hit in the head repeatedly with a pool cue. I donn’t care by what standard you want to measure it: she’s hawt.

How dare you! What kind of soulless jackal makes a joke like this? Cecil is dead. DEAD! The single greatest lion ever to lion was slain by a dentist. FUCKING HERMIE KILLED SIMBA! And you. You think this is fodder for your jocularity? This right here is why Deadspin is target #2 after the mary jane for - wait, target…

He’s an eleventy-seven pack a day smoker. He’s almost completely made of sensient tobacco at this point.

Oh FFS when ISN’T Boner crying?

African-Americans: they all look alike to Gawker.

Andy: