Cannot process nuance!

It’s called having a “frap”.

Cocktail sauce is really easy! You just pour out ketchup into a mixing bowl, and then yell at it.

Uh, yeah, that’s...not how you make cocktail sauce. That’s...why would you think that would produce cocktail sauce?

I think sensitivities to red dye is a real thing

Your honour betrays both your tastebuds and your stomach, both of which knew better

I thought you didn't do poop stories?

“I do not want any lectures”

or the planet, since we’re kicking?

Seedspreading.

don’t judge by this story. the A train is really a fun place you guys (read: insufferable hellhole)

The swastika symbolizes something to some people that doesn’t include racism or hatred either. Does that mean we should be flying it on public land?

Right? I mean just three trips a week to the pitch and putt should take at least a few strokes off your short game.

uh i would like to be somewhere w netflix and chinese food

a forensics report

I teared up and cried a bit. My husband, however, ugly-sobbed his way through it. It was amazing.

Many years ago I was on a flight and a passenger had something, I can’t even remember what, nothing rare or anything, and there was no room in the overhead bins for it. So a really nice flight attendant said she’d take it and put it in a closet. Not the cargo hold, just up in business class. And the guy insisted he’d…