I wondered why I never saw those McDonaldland commercials anymore. Thanks for reminding me of a high-fat childhood!

Now I want Bloody Mary candy.

Smarties.

They're both loaded; they fell hair to a fortune!

You always thought of him as Bozo the Clown too? RIP SPY Magazine.

See, up til recently I thought Geraldo was actually the sleazier one. O, why quibble, they're both sickening.

The only time I've heard about it is a bit Louis CK does about it. Naturally, he interprets it as "so good you want to kiss the chef's asshole."

Two things I don't think I'll be able to sit through— this album by Cave and Patton Oswalt's next comedy special.

I held my breath when Shkreli mentioned Patton's late wife, fearing things could go nuclear, but it seems to have passed.

Does Schlotzkey's still exist? I ate it all the time in Oklahoma, and they had it (VERY) briefly here in PA, but now it's gone. They had their own sourdough bread, incredible. Everything tasted good on it.

Does Lil Caesar's still make the Bigfoot? By the time we gave up pizza (saving our lives) me and the ex were gulping down one of those a week.

Proud to say I haven't eaten chain pizza since La Piazza opened a block or two away from me. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL!

The fries were better before they became fully vegi, back when they were still made with beef tallow. And if anyone can find a fast-food joint that makes fries with duck fat, I'll— I'll dance at your wedding, I will.

Eh, if you want dollar value, just pick up a couple McD's cheeseburgers. Perfect.

What do they eat in Merry Olde Etc, besides loads of kabobs?

No mention of Cheesesteak? I realize it's a local item, but if you're ever in PA you MUST eat at least one, preferably washed down with a Yuengling beer.

O MY GAWD! I was just feeling guilty because I was eating cold fried chicken and throwing away almost everything but the skin, but THIS. If only it were in PA!

If you want the best fried food, pass by the sit-down restaurants— go to a Speedy's, Wa-Wa's or a good Turkey Hill in PA. They'll fry almost anything (pickle chips!) and it's damn tasty.

For the non-exotics among us, nothing beats a good pig.

Gary Glitter? Jimmy Saville?