I'd rather comment on the site that actually has the content.

Per Live, this is ancient. Have Lifehacker writers been sleeping under a rock for the past two years?

Am I the only one who can smell the future porn spambait a mile away here?

Amazing. No one has ever thought to publish this before in the entire history of the Internet.

And both are hurtling towards insolvency...

The great disparity being that nobody seems to blink an eye because some coffee drinker wants a more caffeinated kick out of their cup. But if this was about a wine drinker who wanted to get inebriated faster, somehow that's different?!?

Heat guns? Why not suggest books of matches?

This is as old as the art of making underwear out of banana leaves.

Coffee is basically irrelevant to your health. All this is wasted breath. Coffee is in heavy use and thus gets people reading and writing, so it plays on common fears, misconceptions, etc., and gets an inordinate amount of attention.

What a load of crap. I'm not some pantywaist who can't make it through the day without my cup of coffee. Those people are sad excuses of human beings. People used to plow fields for 14 hours a day and fetched their own water and didn't whine like wusses because they didn't get their moka java crapa watever.

Nice to know that Jezebel is in the business of spreading fear rather than fact-checking:

I set fire to my genitals every morning at 4am. Works great, and no bitter aftertaste!