Hug your kids? Kiss your loved ones? Get one last shag session in? Maybe eat an entire cake? Finally tell someone how you really feel? Maybe hop in the car and drive far enough away that you won’t die in the blast?

I didn’t hear any yelling before I got to the political part of the post.

In the right situation I might cut somebody over the Zesty Sauce.

Racist candy? Please explain.

I really hope you’re able to make it through this. We’re all pulling for you and we know that it can be tough sometimes but just remember that when you really put your mind to it that you can ruin just about anything that puts even the tiniest smile on somebody else’s face. Vindication, however fleeting it may be, is…

Yes, yes it is.

Seriously? 

People continue to conflate ‘minimum wage’ with ‘living wage’. They are not the same thing and should not be.

Dairy Queen bought the Orange Julius brand and serve them in their stores. No raw eggs, though.

You know, with enough brownies you could still end up with a comatose sex slave.

My guess is that these things will be an absolute mess to eat. I’m sure they’re super yummy but that ice cream will get everywhere... No way it holds up to the pressure exerted onto it when the bagel is bitten into.

To what race does a Mexican belong?

U.S.S. O’Bannon. Name checks out.

But then you’re not able to yell “Worldstar!”.

Ah yes, the chemical name for ‘Happiness’.

Do you have the time to deal with financial issues when you’re spending this much energy whining about silly shit?

You can get massive hand-hammered woks on the cheap at restaurant supply stores. I have a 36" wok that I paid less than $40 for. It gets a lot of use.

“Ain’t” is perfectly acceptable and has been for some time. If you can argue with (this), please give me some proof. I’ll take Oxford’s opinion on the matter:

You need to spend some time in Houston.

My grandmother used to make a strawberry ‘salad’ that was alternating layers of sour cream and strawberry Jello imbued with fresh strawberries and walnuts. I miss it very much.