But if it’s a quiet day, how will our dear leader get attention?

I do not believe this is the first time he's tweeted that. He's so embarrassing.

My phone won’t let me open this. What does it say?!?!

Do you think he was referring to his own first time or hers? I thought he meant hers. Not that it matters. It's sickeningly atrocious in any case

#dead

That song is atrocious. Andy Cohen said it was “a hit single,” but where is it hitting?

Tah-nuh? Tay-nuh? TunnAH? 

I keep reading it. It’s mind boggling. His non sequitur game is on fleek.

Who is that?

Jean can rot. 

I fucking love everyone commenting on this post.

Maple syrup.

This is insane. Looking at this makes me feel like fainting and I am not the fainting type o' lady.

It’s still shocking to me that this is the President. 

I needed that larf after my fucked week. Bless you.

Every time someone says “Big Pharma", I feel like shrieking.

I enjoy not having to have my coat dry cleaned after every visit to a bar and not needing to wash my hair before I got into bed so that my sheets wouldn’t smell.

Did anyone read that article about Mary Duggar? It’s not surprising, but still gross, that she was/will be remembered by her family as everything but her own person. She loved Jesus, her kids, her grand kids, her great grandkids, etc. Sigh.

Never not funny. Sometimes sad, but always hilarious.

The Stand ftw!