Mine called me Emily Pemily Poopie Pie

My grandpa is Sam, but his real name is something like Stephen Curtis. He was called Sam after his dad, whose real name was something like John Maynard. My great-grandfather was called Sam because he shuffled his feet when he was a kid, just like their horse, who was named Sam.

Roscoe was my great-grandfather’s middle name, and I always liked it, but my aunt named her dog Roscoe, so I feel like it’s sort of done for this generation. My great-grandparents almost all have uniformly terrible names, sadly. Like, I had a really good relationship with my grandma’s dad, but can I really name a kid…

Thinking cilantro tastes like soap or perfume is genetic. I’m sorry you can never know how good it is.

I can’t get on board with precooking every piece of pepperoni on a pizza, but I was a cheerleader in high school and we used to practice with a choreographer once a week. During breaks, our choreographer would walk next door to the Italian restaurant her family owned and bring back fried pepperoni for the group. It…

That was what they served us at the “practice lunch” at the end of Kindergarten to prepare us for 1st grade and trick us into thinking school lunch was good.

Not just Tokyo. They firebombed a fuckton of Japanese cities in WW2.

Exactly, that’s the “Dashing Through the Snow” part, which comes first.

When I was in high school my econ teacher brought in ITT Tech recruiters and made us all fill out cards with our info and give them to them. The male recruiter called me a few times with some pitch about how I was way too good for ITT Tech, but he could meet with me and help me with my applications to other schools...…

I got a good deal on one on Amazon.

I am so sick of the sheer gown trend. I really wish it would die and designers would line their fucking dresses again.

I am so in love with him and totally jealous that you got to meet him. The closest I’ve gotten is the 4th row of a Sundance Q&A. I think he is so dreamy.

Clarence Thomas never does...

I called my mom in a panic after I pulled a blood clot the size of my fist out of my vag, and she was just like, oh yeah, they told me that as long as they’re smaller than a grapefruit you’re all right...

The fear of pooping is real, and no one tells you about it. Also, do girls know that you can’t wipe for like two weeks and have to squirt yourself with a bottle to get clean? Or that you will pull clots the size of your fist out of your vagina for a few days?

I got ungreyed on all the verticals I’ve posted on in the last month maybe? I guess Univision wants everyone in the in crowd?

I glanced at the picture and thought it was taquitos dipped in guac and it made me happy. I think if it were taquitos it would make him happy over time.

I’ve been trying to avoid Zofran because it’s so expensive, but I think I need to ask for it. I just kept hoping that this preg would be like last time when it was nearly unbearable but relatively brief. Instead it is just stretching on and on and on...

Oh my gosh, thank you. I’m on my second pregnancy and the HG is worse this time and I just want to die all the time. The diclegis is barely doing anything and I can’t sleep all night, I just have these half-daydreams, half-hallucinations and I hurt everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And I stink and I’m pretty sure my husband is…

The problem is they are stupendously shitty at crafting any kind of narrative around the games, even though that is their stated purpose. It’s just boring.