Survivant

6/17/19

I bet it got glowing reviews.

6/17/19

Best Mistake ever and Mariah is a good sport.

6/13/19

As a school social worker who gets pissed when confused for a guidance counselor, I can confirm they suck ass and could easily be replaced by a computer.

6/13/19

I never “got” my Ph.D. diploma because Florida State University said I owed them $60 after I’d paid them tens of thousands, and I said I’d see them in hell.

6/13/19

C’mon, The Mooch was the real star, it was awesome and fun, in a surreal way, having a coked-up extra from a middling Scorsese flick giving the daily presser.

6/13/19

What are the odds that this tweet is how she found out she was fired?

6/13/19

Thank goodness. Sanders was so dull as press secretary - remember how much more unintentionally funny Spicer was by comparison? Sanders never hid behind a shrubbery to avoid the media.

6/13/19

citation needed

6/12/19

Women need to add a rider to any anti-abortion bill that also bans boner pills. Because God only gives boners to people who he wants to birth a boner.

6/12/19

Sex Starved?

6/12/19

My take away from this is that Keanu is Batman.

6/12/19

One of my co-workers was walking down a San Francisco street when she tripped and nearly fell into a row of motorcycles. In that weird time slowing thing that happens in crisis moments, imagining the wave of tumbling bikes as she fell, an arm reached in and caught her while the other hand grabbed the first bike.

6/10/19

noooo, stop. that’s the new testament. that’s the part where jesus said some relatively sane shit about not being a dickbag. christians don’t like that part, they like the old one where they get to stone women for being whores and hate crime the gays.

6/10/19

Hey, Christian schools, want to avoid this kind of controversy? Instead of rambling on about how long a girl’s hemline has to be before it doesn’t make Jesus cry, why not preach to the boys about what the good Lord told them to do in these situations?

6/10/19

I call beer a liquid sandwich.

6/10/19

6/10/19

THE HAND!!!!

6/10/19

There’s not enough therapy in the world to overcome such a trauma. You probably need the full electrobotomy.

6/10/19

It’s probably just a good rule of thumb to never eat a “food” labeled in quotes.

6/10/19

Is it sweet? because if it’s not sweet like real frosting, you are going to be in for some trouble and quite possible could scar a child for life with this shit.