I think you went to my high school, based on your recollections.

No child could ever top my ex with straight deviousness. We actually talked about adoption even though we could conceive because he and I together have some horrendous personal and family histories.

I trace along the outside of lips with a concealer pencil, blend in and apply clear lipliner as a fence to keep whatever tint in. I sorta have to in order to not look lopsided. I did a fantastic job busting my face open as a child and have some interesting scars.

Hemophilia is one of the reasons European monarchies died out and/ or allowed royals to marry commoners. Their gene pools were too shallow, so to speak.

You obviously haven’t met mine

Will she go by Charlotte Sometimes, though? I need answers.

Screw onions. I don’t know how many times I’ve been chided for no onions while dining. I’m inclined to graphically describe the damage to air quality and toilet fixtures that would result

I’d suggest maybe going to MAC store vs a counter, and going at a weird time of day, like 10 a.m. on a Wednesday, if your schedule permits. Avoid weekends and evening right after work hours. Really, these are optimal times for everyone to get a makeover because the artist will have more time to work with you and you…

Tell me that it’s not just me who gets sad phone calls or visits from their mommies during or after a break up?

Lost 320lbs. 300 were his cheating, cheating and manipulative ass.

I’m thinking double sided clear tape.

I really thought that was Divine for a minute. Perhaps not the most flattering look?

Unfortunately, a beautiful and loving partner is not enough for some people. They want the social benefits of a spouse and to mash their naughty bits on strangers. If both partners agree, sure. You cheat? Screw you with a rusty screwdriver.

It’s not because of the Y chromosome: it’s the absence of 2 X chromosomes that make men more prone to inherited sex linked traits. While the X is filled with all sorts of stuff, the teeny tiny y chromosome basically does male genitalia and hormones.

Girl, you aren’t kidding! I mean, why would an attorney need places to file documents and speak in privacy with clients?

Settlement blitz? Are you an attorney and have to share an office? Because man, that’s a bummer.

HR might have a problem with murder or stripper music, but a podcast of something either incredibly boring or incredibly wacky conspiracy theory nonsense played loudly might help.

I highly reccomend the rechargeable wevibe touch as your new partner. Rechargeable, waterproof, silicone, multiple speeds and patterns, and lasted longer than Mr. Fine did.

Or ir was followed by “don’t look at me. I’m hideous!”

Bold faced lying in the face of facts is how ALL bullies operate. From military juntas to some asshole who kicks his dogs. The more they have to lose, the bigger and more bizarre the lies become.