“Trust me."

I’ve noticed that over the past two or three years “Why do you have to be so rude?” is really just the way people express that they just had their ass handed to them. When you’ve got nowhere else to go, plead for civility. Now sometimes, it’s totally called for. When Donald Trump inevitably starts saying your kid…

That’s because it isn’t about logic. It’s tribal, and you and I are not in their tribe. Tribe comes first, then logic is used to justify its positions, not the other way around. 

aka “Starving to death to own the libtards”

Republicans that are not millionaires are awfully chill with the idea that businesses should be allowed to do literally anything they want.

Bernie is bringing thunder, Liz is bringing the lightning.

Seems like a waste of a perfectly good banjo.

And yet, when asked, Trump claimed that he was still six inches taller than Barron.

Apparently your brother thought that if you could dodge a screwdriver, you could dodge a ball.

I think the fistball rabbit hole is still illegal in North Carolina. 

I used to attend punk shows and there was this one dude who wore sports goggles a la Horace Grant in the 90s. I think he was trying to avoid your problem. 

Can’t, I’m at work.

Seriously. You can run a zamboni off that stuff. And a jet. 

Shots of Ouzo... fuck man you guys were hardcore that shit is like FUEL

Jeffrey Epstein would have killed himself for 13-year-old twins!

I wore a cup everywhere.  Protect what matters most

I was an extremely bad baseball player. They used to start me and bat me 9th on the off-chance that two innings would take place before my spot in the batting order came up, and I could be pulled having played my league-mandated two innings.

Re: Football - Honestly, if that snarling linebacker so much as fakes a lunge at me pre-snap, I’m going to shit my pants and run off the field.

It's NBA. You can score in your own basket