We never spent any time in actual Sandusky, Ohio. However, I know it would have been in really bad shape if Callahan Auto Parts had been sold off to Zelinski.

Thankfully, their rancid self-regard would keep them from doing anything but masturbating next to each other.

I DID need the explanation (I was actually trying to pin descriptions to specific teams), but now that I have it, it IS a pretty good joke!

All stadium subsidy deals should require open financial books and planning, plus a city-wide referendum before they can be done. Leaving it in the hands of city officials persistently leads to corruption and other bullshit. 

There is a concept in defamation law called Libel-Proof. It’s the point after which your reputation is so bad that it literally doesn’t matter what lies anyone says about you because their lies couldn’t make your reputation any worse.

I saw a meme floating around during the week of the 50th anniversary of the moon landing that said “24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee Earth?”

If an UK basketball fan and tOSU football fan fucked, their kid would be a dipshit Bengals and Reds fan

Ohio- A place that literally pushed man to invent flight and travel to space to get away.

Worked with a retired Bengals lineman who had moved on to do some television, told me the first thing Ki-Jana Carter did after reporting to the Bengals as the #1 overall pick was to buy brand new towels for the locker room, because the existing ones were so threadbare and worn.

Right there with you. “God as my witness. . .I though turkeys could fly.”

. . . That . . . that was the joke.

I’ve lived in every major city in Ohio (go ahead, make your joke).

Grew up in Monroe, right on the border. This is entirely accurate.
Cedar Point is worth it though.

I feel like everything you need to know about how and why Cincy got stuck with that stadium deal can be found encapsulated in that single tweet from a Trump rally.

Coach Mose Schrute lookin ass

This team remains about as enjoyable as sex after couples therapy.

What are you talking about. There are multiple references. Specifically where it comes from:

I would never do anything that would tarnish the reputation of the Brown family and the Bengals organization

In fairness, Zac Taylor is what every CPAC attendee thinks they look like what they actually look like is: