...And then work for $7/hr because no one will hire your ass without a college degree anymore?

As a millennial who makes less than $36,000 a year...I’d definitely take the money.

And you don’t have to worry your money will suddenly run off with the bank account they knew in high school who they’re “just friends” with.

My boyfriend once asked me “Would you cheat on me for a million dollars?”

But... but I thought we were lazy and refused to work? Now it turns out we’re actually heartless, career-driven monsters? Gosh, I just can’t keep our role in society straight.

Now Obama running anywhere should be in slow motion with the Baywatch theme playing. Awwwwyeeeeaaahhhh.

Fun fact, the guy who popularized lobotomies used to drive around the country in a car he called the... lobotomobile. He also regularly used ice picks for said lobotomies.

Yeah, Trump would’ve run into that school—as long as Chris Christie or someone of equal girth had been running directly in front of him.

Aaaand we’ve come full circle into the dystopian novel I’ve always thought we would end up as. Only I was thinking it might take another 100 years or so.

They’ll be voting Trump/ GOP for sure!

So only tangentially related but...my dad had Medicare part B, the privatized part that pays for drugs and doctors visits. It denied his doctors recommendation of intensive outpatient therapy a few months ago so he ended up in a mental hospital last week which was covered my Medicare part A, the non privatized part.…

Pete Souza heard!

Shit. He can’t even descend stairs without stepping on each one with both feet before continuing down to the next, like toddlers do it.

My aunt works as a delivery driver for a pharmacy that delivers medication to nursing homes. One year (about a week before Halloween) I helped her on her run and I was shocked to see that the staff had actually decorated the nurse’s station with a graveyard theme.

Trump looks like he loses his breath every time he reaches for his wallet. Where the fuck is he going to run to, besides a bucket of KFC?

It’s just a spring clean for the May Queen.

I was thinking this might be a thing like how Disney bars people from dressing up in character at Disneyland and Disney World, because they don’t want tourists taking pictures with middle-aged size 14s in Cinderella costumes instead of with the 19-year-old size 0s they hire.

i’m alarmed that they kicked her bustle to the hedgerow.

The first person to die in the 9/11 attacks was a former Israeli Special Forces soldier who tried to stop the hijackers. Marky Mark needs to shut the fuck up.