Whose house are we go into have the party at when he finally dies? I’ll bring guac, chips, cookies, and brownies if someone can please get the good fireworks California fireworks are crap.

Bro’s married and the lesser of the two in multiple ways.

He really is.

She posed on Mitch McConnell?

Yeah I didn’t catch the autocorrect but it’s not wrong either. He’s sort of helpless without her, I had to show him how to use a dryer on Saturday. I saw him once ask her “where’s my protein powder?” when it was on the counter, next to the blender, right in front of him, where she told him it would be.

Freaky how much he looks like my BIL.

All those corpses should pull themselves up by their bootstraps and stop being dead! Being dead is un-American! All the best Americans are alive!

What’s weird is I agree with that. I mean if you’re going to be a cumstain you might as well get paid for being a cumstain.

It don’t matter if you’re by my side

Scariest damn video ever.

Hey now I recycle and- do other not horrible stuff, I mean I haven’t killed and eaten anyone. Yet.

So... Trump’s not rebuilding Puerto Rico so he can build a resort there instead?

Majestic. That man is just a single beaded braid away from total perfection.

Fuck yeah Dear America! That was an awesome fucking series!

Always twirling twirling twirling towards freedom!

I feel like there’s a fragile tea cup joke in there somewhere...

Oh that’s right they’ll all die eventually! It’s really easy to forget that nowadays. Recently it feels like all these cumstains are battling for the spot of chief cumstain like in Highlander but without a soundtrack by Queen.

Long painful festering death to open floor plans! Get the fuck out of my kitchen I’m busy!

I found mold in a bathroom wall last weekend and will spend this weekend fixing the gaping hole that is now there.

You forgot “kinda sorta tweeting a declaration of war.” Aside from that you have a comprehensive list there.