He’s only 295 lb. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers. In July, a borderline fat guy TD will have to suffice. I don’t know about you, but I’m always in the throes of fat-guy-TD-withdrawal around this time of year. The CFL, in general, is like smoking football resin.

If that guy’s fat, I’m in serious trouble.

Statement from the Raiders

I never saw him play at Bama or in the NFL but I had the pleasure of meeting him when I was about 10. I’m 34 now and meeting him has stuck with me.

His was the first football autobiography I ever read. Even though I was (and remain) a Jets fan, I always admired Kenny Stabler. He was a true renegade, and a genuinely talented QB. Requiescat in Pace Snake.

As always, the Derby also serves as your annual reminder to make sure the mute button on your TV remote is working properly.

SOURCES: Cuban beside himself. CORRECTION: Cuban driving around downtown Houston. QUESTION: How can Cuban occupy both driver and passenger seats simultaneously? ANSWER: He must split into spirit and body. CONCLUSION: Jesus spills margaritas down into the STD sores of fornicators in Hell. @bomani-jones

4,000 is the baby earth theory.

It would have been disallowed even if he did score because of the obvious forward kicking motion.

Visiting hours didn’t begin until 4 PM and Tom Coughlin needed to get to bed

Hey dude would you like to not watch baseball with me sometime?

A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of a sheep. Time to attack the day.

“Buddy” is also the highest level of dad trouble. Mom trouble tops out at the full name, including middle: “Drew Fulgensio Magary, you get in this house right now!”

I’d love to see mashed avocado guacamole guy’s recipe for tomato sauce:

... reading Penthouse Letters. I plug up one hole in the dyke, another one busts open.

Eagles fans will be quick to point out that Randall Cunningham could have rear-ended six cars with a BAC of .994 if ownership had just bought him a better car to work with.

“Donovan was arrested for DUI at 2358 hours...”

First off, probably more like $75 - $100 (or more) if you stick around long-term. Second, how, exactly, will losing the Bucks cost you anything? Third, weren’t we told that Wisconsin was on the verge of fiscal calamity just a few years ago, and now suddenly taxpayers can shell out several hundred million dollars (for…

I've been stuck in a job I hated twice. Both times, I couldn't move because my ex was out of work, and I couldn't take the risk of moving somewhere where the job might not have been as stable. I was utterly miserable. It was the kind of misery that would wake me up in the middle of the night, filled with the urge to…