Having inspected my penis, even soft, I can’t stuff it into a beer bottle and Jezebel article constantly remind me that I’m statistically average. So.....yeah, this guy had to be pretty damn slender.

I feel like Chili’s probably plays a role in more than one persons rock bottom story.

When I was in recovery my neighbor across the hall was named Arthur. He was an alcoholic who realized he had a problem when he woke up on the patio of a Chili’s with his penis lodged in a beer bottle. Good luck Cudi, hopefully your neighbor is equally inspiring. Side note: always wanted to see his junk as it was…

After a little time and with some help, hopefully he moves beyond shame and arrives at a place of pride for opening up about his mental illness, likely being an example to many others who suffer in silence.

Schwartz is deeply embarrassed and painfully ashamed of the part he played in creating the myth of Donald Trump decades ago. This is part of why he has been working with HRC to prepare her for the debates.

This is awesome.

Well, it’s a good start.

i never watched “true life: i’m getting married” - but did they ever find a solution to the wife’s debilitating shellfish allergy?

I am an old and I figured it out months ago. Just let go of your pearls, apply basic comprehension skills, and you’ll figure it out.

All I know is that Ben didn’t tag is #reallove, so he must not love Gina.

Didn’t Jessica biel tweet about that last week? Boring! Don’t worry Wil Wheaton, we’ve all done it.

Yeah this seems dependent on having a huge shower.

I don’t eat in the shower because a) my shower is not room-sized and b) i don’t like it when my food tastes like water and shampoo.

I was just noticing the other day how vulpine this dad looked when he was younger. I guess the supernatural runs strong with this family.

Maybe I’m cynical, but these are the Twitter equivalent of getting a tattoo of your boo’s name. Bad juju all around.

You, if that list has any truth to it.