“The key is that I’m the king and every queen should support the king.”= Automatic grounds for divorce.

A lot of adult actresses escort on the side and $10,000 for a date is pretty standard.

Seriously, I don’t think I could stomach sleeping with him if he *gave* me said private jet.

Mr. Cruise - do us a favor and up to to 7.

I was then told Mr. Trump would allow me the use of his private jet if only I accepted his invitation.”

Me, a woman who has had a child and taken birth control, and him, a man who is a child and whose face is birth control.

Always text your dad just to say hi <3

No, HE’S Petty.

I think the money just gets recycled back into the investment that funds the prizes.

Yo momma so old, Donald Trump won’t even grab her granddaughter’s pussy.

Gary Johnson counters with “Where’s the beef?”, but is actually confused about where beef comes from.

Yo momma so nasty, she keeps a separate email server for her side pieces

Yes. But I do like the sentiment. Wonder where he heard it.

LOOOOOOOVE

I love those Lane Bryant posters with Gabby Sidibe. She just looks so joyful and beautiful.

The wedding was held in a Mason jar.

(a.) That Valentino that Dianna Agron wore for her wedding is lovely, but (b.) there is no amount of cash-money in the world that could make me spend one hour with the banjoist from Mumford and Sons, let alone marry the man. Dear jeebus, that wedding must have had a lot of mason jars.

Orange dirty old crocks in a White House???? How is Batally still roaming free???

Can we talk about the word insufferable? Never in my life have I met someone use it who wasn’t insufferable

That’s also a pet peeve of mine! For a recent example, see any Jezebel comment section regarding Lena Dunham. She gets a lot of hate based on her Girls character rather than said people hating on the actual woman named Lena. I’m not sure why some people can’t separate the fictional character from the actor.