A “survivor” has suffered the unfortunate and cruel whims of fate or chance. A “survivor” has endured what insurance companies still call an “act of God”.

but he’s just playing hard as hell, laying it all on the line for his team

Howard Ends, Ranked

You are drunk.

For fun, let’s just play this out, if you are going to keep your kid from ever negatively effecting anyone, ever, you are either never going to leave your home or constantly hold their hand. That sounds like a kid that’s going to be a pretty terrible adult.

I mean, didn't exactly work for you. You're an asshole and consistently spell simple words wrong. If there is any argument for not beating your kids, it's the final product that your asshole baby grew up to be.

Two weeks ago, I was sitting on a porch with my 11 year-old daughter simply enjoying the weather. She broke the seven-minute silence by saying, “You know Cespedes is leading the league in slugging percentage.”

My daughter is now 8, so she’s been out of the Jake thing for a couple of years now, but every now and then I find ways to get her back for subjecting it to the entire family. Now when she complains about something being too hot, I start singing “Hot lava. Hot lava. Hot lava. It’s real hot” and she begins complaining…

I was a an 16-25 year old boy once too. I understand your anger and misunderstanding of facts.

Spoken like someone who’s never tried to wrangle, let alone produce, a child. They’re like greased pigs, except no greased pig was ever as wily and mischievous as a four-year-old... and if the little suckers should also manage to get their Cheerio-holes around some sugar? Forget it — trank ‘em and throw ‘em in the SUV…

In a recent gallup poll, only 79% of respondents answered that the earth revolved around the sun, while 19% said that the sun revolved around the earth. 2% were “unsure”.

Frickin’ glitch in the game physics again. I hate EA Sports.

“I never claimed to be ‘John Baron.’”

“I never said six!”

Counterpoint:

I can't believe you missed the golden opportunity to use the word "bananalytics"

People born in ‘88 aren’t grown men. They’re still chi-

That dog probably takes more walks than any other dog in history.

My preference is to announce it in the first person, but to each their own.

When the 47% ask for government assistance it's called a hand-out. When the 1% ask for government assistant, it shows you're pro-business. 'Merica!!!