alexa is reading the articles and siri is posting my comments...its as close to group sex as i’m likely to get.

Not sure about sex, but my wife keeps grabbing my ass and yelling “I’m a billionaire president and I can do anything I want!” I’m guessing there will be no sweet, sweet lovin’ at our house for quite awhile.

if i’m currently fucking, should i stop or finish?

#UGotPlayed

nah

People think the worst things about the Trump presidency is that Donald Trump is a hate-spewing, divisive narcissist with no experience or plan.

But the worst thing for me is that Mitch McConnell is happy.

You know Mike Pence is doing the Mr. Burns pointy fingers thing right now.

The GOP controls both houses of Congress and 30 state legislatures.

Say what you will, his dismantling of the Constitution will be quick and efficient. He managed to attack freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, and freedom of the press all inside of 140 characters.

I had that exact same haircut in Grade 4. That was when we agreed, as a family, that mom should stop cutting my hair.

It looks like she a glorified mullet. And if you have a mullet in 2016 you clearly cannot be trusted, in fashion matters or otherwise.

I think properly trimmed baby bangs are great on the right face shape, but hers look like a scene high school girl’s home job circa 2004. I feel really bad for saying that, but it’s a mistake I lived with personally.

Those bangs...

You’ve literally described the last six years of Congress under GOP control.

Trump got 60 million votes. Romney got 60 million votes. McCain got 60 million votes.

I didn’t love the right’s burn it to the ground reaction to Obama’s two election wins.

Have you even seen anyone on the right for the past eight years?

Trump himself literally said that he wouldn’t accept the results of the election if he lost. Just remember that.

‘I love how salty you liberals get when things don’t turn out the way you wanted. Fuck everything and burn it to the ground! Argh, I’m so angry. Half the country has suddenly turned into a petulant 3 year old throwing a tantrum because mommy turned off Bubble Guppies.’

Oh look, the shithead who was too smart to vote yesterday is now pissed off. Fuck you, you self-righteous asshole.