This! I’m not “epi-pen allergic” to fresh pineapple but within 5 minutes of ingesting it, I will start simultaneously shitting and vomiting. If you want that in your house/restaurant... ok.  It lasts about two hours.

I can hear the words “but Moooooooooooooom....” coming from this picture.  

Either they’re all from major metropolitan areas or they’ve disassociated from their hayseed pasts.  There are thousands of small town kids out there, we’re just spread very thinly...

“and his graduating class only had 199 students”

Only 5 moire kinds to go!

I thought 25 was optimistic and then realized I was thinking about Great Big Sea.

I thought looking like just tits and legs was the goal.

It was a BIG DEAL when the Red Lobster came to my small Midwestern town.  Lines for days.  We went that week.  

Opposite problem. Wouldn’t eat white cheese as a child because it might turn out to be Swiss. Well into my 30's before my stepmother stopped going out of her way to buy yellow cheddar instead of white cheddar when I was coming to visit.
(Yep, they’re TOO thoughtful.)

Men can get treated at PP as well.  They do STD testing and vasectomies and I’m sure other things.

WEIRD.  My cat would only eat the crunchy Cheetos.  I had to get the poofs if I wanted to keep some for myself.

I had an email from my Congressional rep around 4p yesterday denouncing all this shit. It was great!  I can’t cry to anybody because Rashida is my rep and I love her.

I wish!  My cat wears a 2T.

I had SUCH  crush on Matt Nokes when I was a tween.

Or... maybe I can just be happy with the easy-to-find thing that I already enjoy.  (Also, I have never fully understood the desire to set cheese on fire - perhaps I haven’t had enough drinks at that point.)

I was in the UK last month for work and halloumi is EVERYWHERE and I love it now.  I would marry it.

I’m afraid my little brother will feel this way which is why it’s my (brutal) friend’s job to do it when dying.

Both teams played hard.

I fully thought this was how quick-drying cement worked when I was a kid.  It was only explained to me after I had stepped backwards into the newly poured driveway.

Outside is overrated. Imma enjoy my mayo salads in the air conditioning.  Alone.  With this bottle of Malibu, my only friend.