There is only one modifier that goes with every insult.  Fucking.  You’re a fucking moron.  You’re a fucking bitch.  etc etc etc

It would be hard for the racist shithead electorate to come out in this district seeing as only 1 of the 6 primary candidates was white. Quite a bit of speculation that Brenda Jones would have one had there been fewer candidates.

(But I’m glad she didn’t because I heart Rashida.)

And she can’t sing for shit!  Not even the actor-y faux singing they teach people for parts.

C’mon, admit it.  It feels good to make a righteous report to the cops.

I read the book last weekend and LOVED IT. But I always thought she was tall and she isn’t and I’m a little disappointed.
Signed,
A Tall Person

4th grade. Halloween plans are a bonfire out in the country. I dress as a scarecrow because you can add more clothes in case of snow.

Surprise! I discover I’m allergic to straw.

I’m sort of surprised that Michigan is that high on the bad list. When I moved back from Oregon, they let me change my driver’s license and register to vote without anything more than proof of insurance. No other verification needed.

As an only child, I’d let my dad have the things I didn’t like (pretty much all chocolate) and then I’d hide what I didn’t manage to finish before bed.  And have that for breakfast.

My dad avoided candy creep by encouraging me to eat it all at once. Then there was no candy from November 2nd until Christmas.

The best part of my dad going to grad school in Canada is that I picked up citizenship by being born there. If this ship sinks any further, I can hop that bridge and establish myself in Windsor.

(Will marry and take the highest bidder with me.)

My uncle held my grandparents hostage and shot past them and did 3+ years in prison.  Why didn’t this dude get sent up?

Also known as “Cream of Celery is available and you mofos keep putting Cream of Mushroom in the casserole?!?!” being shouted at my grandparents.

I will admit to watching about half of this yesterday and she is not above saying that her mom is lying about being her mom - nobody has given Treasure any proof yet.

The first time I saw Rockin Rye at a party store in Portland, I was over the moon.

I LOVES IT!

Everybody knows that if you touch a mirror in a dark room, you get sucked over to the other side.  Not in the fun Through the Lookingglass kind of way, either.

Make America Kittens Again replaces pictures of 45 with random kitten photos. I am physically UNABLE to search and see what he looks like nowadays.

It’s fantastic.  

I have cats to take care of bugs.  I have a special pair of shoes just for taking care of spiders.

I’ve had my absentee ballot for a week and I’m still compelled to make sure I’m registered.

Through the magic of Make America Kittens Again, I cannot see this.