Amex, sister.

Wrong, "Directly behind" sometimes means you can see the train behind it. That's when the obese motherfucker trying to cram himself on the train needs to back to the fuck up.

I complain all the time and then I remember, "Oh yeah, I get to read on my commute to work every morning (as opposed to listening to shit on the radio in traffic) and I don't have to pay for a car, gas, maintenance, tolls, parking, etc."

Ohio: Forever a Fly-Over State

Hey, y'all. Just remember that Amazon is a shit company.

Hey, y'all. Just remember that Amazon is a shit company.

How the fuck would these fools know? They had their backs turned to them.

Oh man! This is awful. I met the guy I've been seeing for the last few weeks from a "missed connection" that I posted (yes, we're both amazed) but I'm quite sure he's not married (thankfully). When he first responded to my post, I was totally skeptical (as I was expecting nothing) so I asked him to send me a photo…

bless your heart.

Where's your guide for dealing with family members (your mother) who rants that racism in America is dead and that what happened in Ferguson is A-OK? I mean, I have pot, but any talking points to shut up them up?

Am I the only one who's all 'don't let the door hit you'??? BYESOUTH.

Excuse me for not getting it, but why is this a story????????????

I can't I haven't had the same thoughts when dealing with douchebag dudes who say after a first date, "I'd really like to see you again" and then never text me again. I usually don't actually text to them, but I probably have once or twice.

I don't think this is THAT bad. Compared to that Britney Spears isolated track? This is fantastic. At least she writes her own music and plays an instrument.

It's called The Backlash Theory. Don't try to fight it. Some people are just stupid. (See: Republicans, tea partiers)

Whoops! Sorry! My bad. I was multitasking at work.

HE WAS LIVES IN FLORIDA NOW. HE'S A "FLORIDA MAN."

Yeah, I'm sure he "found" it.

Wow, Jezebel is really scraping for article ideas, huh? I heard this term once, like, five years ago.

Is this more of a Brooklyn Hipster term? Because if so, it isn't the general population's problem. Please everyone, use the phrase if necessary, and if not, read on to other articles.

I met my most recent boyfriend in the comments section of one of our mutual friend's statuses on Facebook. It was an adorable story. Unfortunately it turned out that he was holding onto baggage from a relationship that ended 3+ years ago and he was "too prideful and stubborn" to seek therapy to deal with it.

I think this, and any advancement in finding a cure for AIDS, is fan-fucking-tastic, but why are some people 'high risk'? Why don't people hit the LEARN button and wear a condom and clean their needles before shooting heroin? FFS.