This is by far— by FAR— the freakiest thing that has ever happened to me.

“Trespassing”

Y’all can try, but nothing is going to beat that “Look at me” story from a few years ago. That one fucked me UP.

I was too late with my submission last year, so here goes...

I’m doxxing myself because my friends all know this story. I waited until daytime to write it because it scares me so much.

I am off work for a doctor's appointment that was unexpectedly canceled so I have ALL GLORIOUS DAY for this! 

Looks like one of those kitties you’d have to build a whole “catio” for and mount a series of wee shelves like a race track, way up high on the walls for kitty to leap around above your head, like they do on My Cat from Hell.

My friends adopted a cat that had been abandoned when her (bad) people moved away. She was skinny as a rail and pretty sickly when they got her. They didn’t think she’d live a real long life. She was also a runt and never got bigger than about 6lbs. Fast forward 15 years and Chloe is 17 and still alive and kicking and…

Lil’ Idiot looks just like my Pancakes. I volunteer at a rescue for baby ‘coons and Pancakes was my ‘coon bae for the summer. He was VERY doughy and liked to make castles out of dog food and grapes. He had huge paws and used to incessantly pat my face and coo while I snuggled him. I miss Pancakes (more than Waffles).

Yep. All the super-devout Christians I know avoid me like the plague, because they’ve realized I know more about their book than they do.

I made the super-dumb mistake of reading this series, alone, in bed, when I wasn’t able to sleep last night.

Half of these stories can be classified under Everyday Tales of the Patriarchy.  

“It’s not my life expectancy that goes up once I get married.”

It blows my mind that men think “I have a good job and a car and a home and that makes me good marriage material.” Uh, no it doesn’t dude. You actually have to be an interesting person.

Maybe, just MAYBE, if men referred to us outside of a tool to get a result (sex), a Rubics cube to decipher (emotions and motive), or livestock to be purchased and used (labor) then women would be more open to relationships.

My totally uninformed guess is two gals sorting out a territory dispute.

Let’s just have a civil war and get it over with. Either we win and this country can enter the 21st century or I’m dead, and I never have to read another facebook post by a Christian Conservative again. win/win

None of this is surprising. Like a shitbillion of Republicans supported old Tricky Dick Nixon up to the minute he resigned. The current crop of Trump supporters grew up knee high to those racist and greedy grandparents and drunckles, soaking in all the same hate (brown people bad, foreigners bad, non Baby Jesus loving…

Yeah, they’re missing that critical thought in between where rational people realize it would be horribly abused and hurt innocent people.

Okay, just to make sure you’re aware of the context here:

I was really offended by a tip line on my receipt at a self serve fro-yo place recently. Like, I did all the work of prepping this perfect serving of overpriced fro-yo, why do I owe you a tip?