A woman came into my work a few years ago and I asked what brought her to town. She hesitated and then said that she was bringing her son to rehab. After exchanging awkward smiles, she said, "It's okay. Our secrets keep us sick."

She reportedly lost that round to Miss Massachusetts Gabriela Taveras, who said, when traveling, American tourists should let their host countries know that “we as Americans are supporting them and that we are there to help them.”

i’m so over chrises...let the age of dave begin!

Counterpoint: Uncrustables are fine.

Seriously; should I die before that motherfucker’s in jail, I want an entire hour of dragging his ass or I’m haunting everybody forever.

Dragging Donald trump is perhaps the most appropriate way to honor her legacy 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world:

My whole walk over there is a lecture to myself: “You are a grown ass woman. You will not giggle. You will. not. giggle.”

This is the problem with GoFundMe. It is a really shitty way to care for people, it is a complete crapshoot if your page will get attention and if it does, and you get a crazy amount of money, there’s no guidance on how it should be spent. Our society would be massively better off with Universal Basic Income,…

We’re already behind schedule folks.  I know they didn’t really expect this thing to begin on time.  For real for real.  They made that schedule up just shut somebody up LOL.  

they already running 25 min late and it aint started yet.  We gon be here all day

Tangential: I walk 6 blocks once a month to pay my mortgage in person because at the downtown branch, there is a teller who looks like Michael B. Jordan’s younger, slimmer cousin. He has this incredible smile and always some very nice chit-chat that is perfectly timed to the length of our interaction. One time, he…

This thing is going to go on for eight days and nights. It’s going to be Black Hanukkah.

This schedule is bananas!!! Bill Clinton has never spoken for only 5 minutes in his life and he’s on the JV team of gasbags speaking. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton get 9 & 5 minutes to speak? Puh-leeze!! This thing could last a couple of days.

And as someone who grew up with a cat who loves to kill animals and leave home for days on end hunting, it’s not as easy as sticking your cat indoors all the time.

This. I have only had indoor cats. The cats don’t have thumbs, and can’t get outside unless you let them, or they escape. If they escape, they run the risk of everything that can happen, including death. They lead long, fufilling lives, including hunting, indoors. (many mice have met their match by King Morty’s claws).…

I don’t understand outdoor-cat people. I think it’s anthropomorphizing cats to say “oh but but they feel so SAD when they can’t go out!” or “but they’re going to be missing out!”

“And as someone who grew up with a cat who loves to kill animals and leave home for days on end hunting, it’s not as easy as sticking your cat indoors all the time.”

I really don’t get the passionate Outdoor Cat People mindset. If you give your cat enough stimulation and play, they should be fine indoors. Cats that go outside have on average significantly shorter lifespans. If really you want to let your cat outside, why not put it on a leash and take it for a wander? It’s really…

OK, I get it. You think cats are cute. But do you know what else is cute? These guys. And there aren’t 600 million of them in the world.