I imagine that in any situation where the dick pic works both parties were getting along well enough to where it would have been making an appearance in person soon anyway and didn't need its headshot on file. I can't imagine any situation where a date is going badly and the unsolicited dong shot salvages the…

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

Textbook definition of the resting bitch face

Ionizing radiation has a life-shortening effect that has a well-documented dose-response curve. This is known as "Radiation-Induced Life Shortening" or "Idiopathic radiation-induced accelerated mortality." This effect has been studied since at least the 1940's in animals. All things being equal, you'll die sooner if…

Holy crap. It's like Gary Busey and Herman Munster had a baby.

I left a nice surprise for whoever buys my house, when they replace the carpet...

This whole basement was basically his torture chamber...and it's not ok.

She's moving at the end of July?? Well that's just enough time for all of her laundry and most of her silverware to get nice and haunted. Get out of there, lady!

While You Were Out Kidnapping.

Heh - I like this paragraph from the original:

Coming up next on HGTV: Dungeon Do-over!

I am experiencing a feeling of great pleasure from Brazil's humiliation....if only there was a word in German that precisely defined this emotion.

Where can i get a pair of shades like these?! I'm enamored!

"Excuse me, officer. I lost one, it looks like this." *points to one of the remaining unlost children*

Oh, no, what if you went to Target? She'd never find you again!

My mom did basically the same thing to us four kids. That is, made us wear matching red polo shirts and khaki shorts/skirt when traveling. Yep, pretty much exactly the same but worse.

Today, henceforth, shall forever be known as Taco Tuesday.
- Alabama Appeals Court

This is my pet:

Isn't the Matrimony Gap a clothes store where they sell high waisted jeans for women and xl polo shirts that can fit a beer gut?