she is not exactly hatable or likable.

I know you meant to say that Moore and Adams’ house was ‘stocked with Perrier’... but Perrior just sounds like a hilarious knock-off brand.

“Her heart was as black as her yoga pants, and just as unforgiving.”

My favorite storied student simile is: “The boat glided across the lake just like a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

the mother-daughter special

“manipulative sex kitten”

just go with the joke my friend.

This is actually not terribly surprising. Reagan was very pro-gun until the Black Panthers showed up in the California state house toting guns, then suddenly we had gun control laws. I feel like we’re seeing a similar response here from the right. I feel like I could go further in making this correlation, but I don’t…

OMG YOU KNOW WHO “THEY” IS *whips out tinfoil hat, hides in closet*

“How much did they pay you to fuck america?”

Wow, guys, what a totally new idea.

I know I feel so dirty...like I’ve taken a bath with a falafel or something.

I wonder why it was this shooting and not Sandy Hook that is finally getting conservatives to wake up about America’s ridiculous gun laws. I wouldn’t have thought the massacre of LGBT people and not, y’know, toddlers, would be the turning point for them. I suspect it might have to do with the ethnicity of the shooter…

No, no, no, no! Think of it as Bill O’Reilly is finally agreeing with YOU.

Bill O’Reilly and Gretchen Carlson made Fox News history this week by experiencing a brief tandem bout of decency. Both hosts came very close to saying that the federal assault weapons ban, which expired in 2004, should be renewed.

NO

In the amount of time it would take that mother to discard her children and prepare herself to fire back at anyone, she would likely already be shot.

So I don’t really have eye issues yet (#blessed), but when I’m sleep deprived or stressed, this is my go-to.

Darren McGavin’s read of “What brought you to this lowly state?” cracks my ass up every year. That and Mom’s scream when they chop off the duck’s head!