“I could liken you to a werewolf the way you left me for dead but I admit that I provided a full moon” is the most sadly perfect description of a break-up I have ever heard.

Sad that someone died but damn I hate Steely Dan.

Okay, also it’s weird that David Blane used to be cool (when he was with Fiona Apple). They were the IT couple.

I’m trying to remember Chris Rock’s response verbatim, but he was rather quick on his feet. The crowd was still stunned and he said, “Do you think Maya Angelou is watching? And she’s probably thinking, ‘Who the hell is this little white girl saying my name on television?”

Fiona Apple is so underrated. Her lyrics are perfection.

God, I spent so many hours as a teenager, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling with Fiona Apple blasting. Love her.

One half of Steely Dan died yesterday though.

I think she was saying that a female star who allowed herself to go gray wouldn’t still be considered hot. My take is that she was calling out sexism, not being ageist.

Soap opera villainess is an iconic look, tho.

That I thoroughly enjoyed the Root’s commenters reactions to the victim complex Taylor Swift is trading on, once again?

That’s pretty much normal; a lot of that oohing and ahhing is, I suspect, performative.

I read your statement as: “I never liked kids. I had my own kids and I liked some of them, but not all.”

And what happened next?

It would have been too easy.

I listened to it once and now I have Rhythm of the Night stuck in my head. *shrug*

Well every few years she forms a solid mucus pupa around herself and re-emerges to excrete a different genre of dreck.

Why do I want your last few lines to be true? What is wrong with me?

IDK she seems more like the kind to cover The Perfect Drug. It fits her obsessing and not being able to let go of things.

Ugh.

I’m confused. Did she mean “jk, I know it would take a lot more than this to get you put down your DraftKings app” or “jk, I know Jezebel readers don’t participate in such things”? I want to be offended about something today and I need to know which way to play this.