“What do we want?”

Yeah. I look at the marriages around me and sometimes I think, “I’m good.”

A kid in my daughter’s high school was known for his giant equipment and was sitting next to her in a similar fashion last spring, dong resting on his thigh, khakis straining to contain the monstrous organ. She looked at it and hissed, “Jesus, rearrange that RIGHT NOW!!” Mortified, he complied with her directive.

1. The coffin lid was open

I always thought he was the mentally stunted Osmond brother.

I always think of Kim Possible’s Dr. Drakken discussing the “white underbelly” of something or another. That’s what we look like tbh.

Is it just me, or have we reached a point where cis, gay, white men have nearly as much privilege as their straight counterparts? Not that there aren’t still hate crimes or discrimination, but a LOT of progress has been made, over the years, and trans people now seem to be the biggest targets for discrimination,…

I don’t think I have ever screamed “motherFUCKER” louder in my life. HOWEVER, I left PP donating $10 in Mitch McConnell’s name on my way out. They already a Trump, Pence, and Ryan. I also got to mess with some protestors on the way to my car. Don’t mess with me when I’m already crampy and bleeding.

There are 8,500 reticulated giraffes in the wild.

^This.

Eggs or go home bitches. And memo to the Reese’s conglomerate: ditch those nasty Christmas trees. The peanut butter to chocolate ration is wrong, like a dog peed on the tree wrong.

CEO 1: Good point. Pass the dolphin.

This is covered under section 508 of the ADA.

My (reformed Jewish) sisters tried to keep kosher once. It lasted about a week. They love bacon and pepperoni too much.

“The bad traits sort of melt away into the overall picture of who the person is.”

They are very varied! I used to shave my arms when I was younger, and now I trim them every so often just because my arm hairs get really, really long. But I know many, many women who don’t trim or do anything else with their arm hair. I shave my legs, etc usually a few times a week, depending on the weather and what…

I’ll compromise by washing my feet in the summertime when they get dirty from wearing sandals, but that’s it. Otherwise, my feet are in shoes and socks 90% of the time, and I’m not a very sweaty person, so bending down to wash them every shower just ain’t happening. Yes, I’m lazy.

I don’t wash my legs or my feet and I pee in the shower. IDGAF!

Yeah, I find the tidbit about not going to events where alcohol is served without her the weirdest part. Like, not even just “don’t drink without me” but “don’t be around alcohol at all without me.” That is the least normal thing here. What the hell did Pence do the last time he got drunk without Mother there?

It also means he got drunk once and cheated on his wife.