This really speaks to me. All of it. But for me it’s been six years without sex or even a kiss. (same amount of time single) The life celebration? YUP! I’ve thought about that a lot. That there will never be an event which all my friends will make 100% certain to attend for me. I’ve tried dating websites and found it…

What is it with other people being so goddamn shitty about other people lives and their lifestyle choices? These are the same people who can’t imagine a married couple being childless by choice. Not everyone wants the same things in life but that doesn’t mean their lives are without content.

when did tucker lose the bowtie?

The looks on their faces were the looks of people who were watching somebody make an ass of themselves loudly in public.

... I mean, The Boy Who Cried Wolf is still a well-known fable because it’s still remarkably relevant to modern society. When someone has done tons of “pranks” in the past that involve lying about something happening to him (including one specifically about being racially profiled for being Muslim), I think it’s…

I’m really starting to hate her face. Like, every time I see a picture of her my numerical irrational anger score goes up by at least 3.

I’ll admit I got one for my sister. But she’s 8, and more concerned with acting out her mermaid transformation fantasy than actually staying warm.

Who wants to struggle in and out of a cocoon each time they have to get up? Isn’t getting off the couch hard enough in winter? Also, I like the versatility of my ancient couch blanket. When I’m sick I wear it like a cloak.

I prefer the shark ones that make you look like you’re being eaten.

this, and well, everything else, really begs the question: does president evil actually know what any of these positions actually do? this seems less like a president-elect building a cabinet of individuals who can guide the country into prosperity, safety and progress for the next four years, and more like a kid…

Perhaps if Locomotive Jones didn’t talk about Locomotive Jones in the third person, people wouldn’t think of Locomotive Jones as a raging dickfuck.

Thank you SO much - since they’re gutting Social Security, Federal prison is my only option for retirement.

I vote high tie. The high tie just looks a little more polished. The low tie is when he gets off of work and is headed to happy hour.

Can we talk about how it is my personal opinion that Twenty One Pilots and Lukas Graham (the band?!) are both terrible therefore the Grammys are terrible

We’re about to have a conspiracy theorist running around in the White House.

Seriously. Look at this kid. Look how pissed he is that Santa is black.

Bushy white bread? Is that an artisan bread? I want to try it, sounds filling! ;-)

The thought process was probably not a decision between telling the principal or the police, but between telling and not telling at all. Going to the police is difficult and scary and there are myriad reasons why victims don’t do this right away. Telling an intermediary party is typical, not atypical, especially when…

Lauren your friend is slightly creepy.