“I’ve been a part of organizations that had pretty good quarterbacks—Jim Kelly, John Elway, Kerry Collins, Eli Manning, Cam Newton. I’ve led a charmed life with the quarterbacks on the teams I’ve worked for. I know what good ones look like.

The citizens of Portland would argue that the team was cool 5 years ago but is totally mainstream now and lost their spirit.

What the f—- do you want to do? the [country]’s [voters] asked him. Tweet or [be President]? If you want to [be President], how the f—- do you have time to [build the wall and make Mexico pay for it] when you are tweeting every five seconds? 

You got screwed in the playoffs.  Congratulations, you’re officially an NHL franchise.

Please settle a debate: Is Back to the Future a sci-fi movie?

I’ve mounted a TV before

There are guys that groan while using the urinal at work. It’s off-putting. There are also people that try to carry on conversations in the restroom. Then there was the guy jacking it in a stall next to me one time that was quiet as a mouse. I only noticed because I could hear that skin-on-skin rubbing noise. The…

I propose that if your home run makes contact with a structure that’s absurdly high off the ground, it should count for two.

“I wish Patrick Roy was alive to see this.”

Everything blacked out is stupid and childish. It says you think The Punisher is biting social commentary or you’re constantly mad you didn’t join the Army Rangers.

A friend with pain in deez is a friend indeed

Hockey is just the best goddamn sport.

I knew a guy once. He lost his Lord of the Family status in a best-of-three NBA Jam TE series.

Now his son writes him in as a dependent on his taxes. Boomshakalaka.

She’s right. It’s disgusting. Regardless of whether or not you “soil” your undergarments (seriously?) or they smell bad, you still have bacteria and fecal matter in your underwear.  

After all these years, an annoying white guy who won’t go away finally gets me to root for Duke.

To be fair, if there is ever a tornado bearing down on Michael Wilbon, I also hope that no one tells him.

They’re so toast, Jim Nantz carries their picture around in his wallet.

Gabe, can we please not reference anything Sean Avery says or does, ever, and never give him any attention or clicks whatsoever, pretty please? Can we scrub that last link off this article? Because he is the fucking worst?

So much hockey content on Deadspin these days. I love it.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO