If it wasn’t so sad, it would have been very funny.

You know how every president ages like shit during their term? This is going to be the administration where we all age like shit.

“Close your eyes” - yeah I’m gonna pass on the bukkake box thanks.

Does this double as a suicide booth?

Gah, the Jesus Fish!!! That should be a crime!

Whoa, 5 lbs of whey protein exploded? Crews will be cleaning that up for months, and 10 years from now they’ll find it in people’s lungs and they’ll sue for Meswolethelomia and stuff like that. Don’t spill the whey. Also, don’t store it in your car.

Do you have the balls to find out if it’s a scam?

This is the exact kind of article I come to Jalopnik for. Well done. Fancy Kristen is delightful, but you are in-tune with the inner workings of the meathead as well.

This would be the rare instance where “Getting hit by a car” would come in at #1 on the list

I thought all Canadians knew Scott.

I’ve seen this romcom before. KD and Rihanna’s fight make them realize that the only thing worse than how they feel about each other is how they feel WITHOUT each other. They eventually fall in love and end up getting married. Jeff Van Gundy, still obsessed with Rihanna, tries to interrupt the ceremony but ends up…

I’d bet $100 dollars he couldn’t do 15 pullups, let alone 100. Not a fucking chance.

Yeah, but you don’t get to use the Billionaire’s Son Multiplier of 0.3 to adjust your times.

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…

This is Josh Bridges, who won Murph at last year’s CrossFit Games with a time of ~34 minutes.

Piss off DJT Jr..... I completed the Murph in 3 minutes and 15 seconds

With a goal and a fight last night, Malkin was only a rigging of a US presidential election away from the Vladimir Putin Hat Trick.

These layoff announcements are getting more and more sudden.

Because you punch up, not down.