Wasn’t there a Fear Street book on this? The Girl in the Dress, or something? Buyer beware. It secretly intends to kill you.

Can we all give a big AMEN that the judge is a woman and hopefully won’t buy into the misogynistic bullshit male judges can be precluded to?

Jay.

Why do women spend exorbitant amounts of money on this shit? I try my best to NOT look like Great Aunt Lucille’s family reunion picnic tablecloth.

I grew up on a buffalo ranch, so this cracked me up a little, in that it doesn’t matter if you move or hold still, they see you regardless. This ain’t no Jurassic Park.

It’s my pitfall for being hetero.

So does my husband. I’ve threatened divorce over it.

Grammar karma, you got me!

Re: Mariah. Cellaphane, not cellphone.

Yet another reason why Jemima is my spirit animal.

Childtrauma.org

Check this site out for leads. You can also Google Bruce Perry neuroscience and lots come up. I’ve been lucky to have gone to two of his trainings, but I’m a nerd, so.

No known sleep studies that show physiological harm and/or trauma and attachment issues? Dude. Dr. Bruce Perry is the go-to researcher for just that.

your writing is poetry. Also, I'm day drunk. Happy St. Patty's Day!

I diligently check Jezebel for Girls critiques, and never see them post anything. A++ for this!

It's not often I get to be proud of being a Nebraskan, but today is one of those days.

re-reading that, I can see how that was taken out of context. But the answer is no, I didn't fuck the security guard. Just my husband.

I am the Marvin of my wedding. Getting married was a favor to my now-husband, because I could give a shit. I drank a flaskful of rum before the ceremony, which lasted MAYBE twenty minutes before we hopped into a limo and went bar-hopping at 5 in the afternoon. Our wedding photographer tagged along, and at one point,…

can't I just use my diva cup instead of buying their newfangled product? I mean, logically, not literally.

jesus. You know you're a mom when the only thing you've seen on this list is from binge watching Downton Abbey on Amazon Prime.