If a gay dude was checking me out in the shower I’d be flattered.

Not sure if it counts, but when I switch my radio over to the bluetooth on my phone it pulls up the name of the video I was watching on youtube. Or other videos from other websites. Luckily I rarely have guests I have to explain what the hot milf was expecting when her neighbor stopped by.

Why does a dog lick himself?

Talking about socialism to a socialist always ends with them telling me that the failure of places like Venezuela is because it’s the “wrong kind” of socialism. It’s like telling a Frank Zappa fan you don’t care for his music. “Well, you just haven’t heard the right Frank Zappa.”

Many years ago I had a ‘58 356A. I wouldn’t have been caught dead in a 914 of any variation. I’ve since grown quite fond of the 914. I haven’t grown fond of a CP so packed full of crack, however.

Jason: Don’t you know who I am?

(Crazy) Bitch Basket?

It’s like when fighters figured out Tyson couldn’t take a punch. She’s great on the ground, but has trouble going toe to toe.

Watching Forsberg play keep away from a defenseman (sometimes two) was a joy to behold. He had an insane amount of upper body strength.

What crimes are ok to commit as a criminal alien and not have to deal with deportation? All of them?

Are they pups or cubs? Kits?

If you’re not gonna keep those porn mags...

I’m angry I won’t be there. It seems like a great place to pick up chicks.

That you don’t think Journey belongs in the Hall is quite telling. You may not like them, but they were/are one helluva a successful ROCK band.

Well...my pants were off for a reason.

Oh sure. When the dog climbs into an open cop car it’s cute and understandable. But when I do it I’m “going to jail for sure” and “a sick son-of-a-bitch and need to put my pants back on”.

Looks like it has a new turbo, too.

It usually takes women at least 10 minutes to start hating me. She’s quite advanced.