So lets get this straight here.

BS. I know Troy and he’s greasy as hell. His ounces are 26 grams at best.

I have terrible news for you. The trees, grasses, shrubs, heck even the dirt, are already covered in chemicals. Some of them are even made up of chemicals!

Can’t believe I had to scroll down this far for the first cock joke...

She was dying for the cock.

Oh, cock.

She always knew a big cock would be the end of her.

Thank you! I came here to say the same thing. I’m trying to remember the last article that said something was genocide on Gizmodo. I think it was when IHOP ran out of pancakes. 

That’s because many people on the internet are mentally still children.

Look up how much it costs to hunt bighorn sheep in Texas (5 figures). You got a bargain.

“no see it’s not really racist it’s just supposed to make you think it’s racist so you’ll get owned, liberal!”

The only correct response.

Trump: DO YOU KNOW MY FRIEND KIM?

check the girls for orange palms

(As the Super Bowl comes to an end)

You’re a good writer. And you’re a senior editor. Can you please do something more than carrying water for investors? Do giz readers care—literally at all—about whether Apple misses internal or investor benchmarks for earnings?

Welp, we’re boned.

They don’t take that kind of approach in Texas (0:12).

In Soviet Russia windows break you

You had a brief window of opportunity to get that joke in before I did.