Precisely. And part of me almost - ALMOST - feels a tiny bit sorry for them. They lived their entire lives being conditioned to accept that our society will catastrophically implode if white men are knocked from the top of the hierarchy; to a lot of them, this must look like the literal end of civilization. I won't…

Particularly the ones rotting away in third-rate nursing homes who get visitors twice a year at most.

If you can find cheaper whiskey and pussygrabs anywhere else…

Damn it, now I have to call up the other members of my hardcore punk band and tell them to cross Pussygate off our list of potential album titles.

I'm a heterosexual man, and I actually got physically nauseous reading quotes from the recording in question. Don't pretend this is part of some acceptable social norm.

American society has undergone a major shift in the last decade: our first black President, an enormous LGBT rights movement, widespread pushback against racially-motivated police brutality, renewed discourse about our treatment of women, and more. This is infuriating and terrifying to a certain subset of people, and…

You keep veering away into "this is just how men talk about sex!", and…and fucking no, man. Do men have a tendency to brag to each other about all the awesome sex we totally have? Sure, that happens, and I won't pretend I haven't done it at least once or twice.

I have never in my life said or even thought things like this about women, and the fact that you're claiming that isn't possible says far more about you than it does about me. This isn't "sex talk", you fucking troglodyte.

It's a Trump thing. More than that, it's a Republican thing. They've got their guy, and he sucks, but they'll back him up by fixating on whatever half-assed positives they can find ("But he apologized!") or by devolving into diversionary rhetoric involving either the present ("Hillary was mentored by a Klansman,…

Who's to say? He may have had an enormous schwanzstucker.

It makes about as much sense as every other logic-pretzel he's tied himself into over Trump.

Is that fucking Roseanne's twitter

Yes but Hitler's early career was considered quite impressive at the time. That was a main factor in him becoming, you know, Hitler.

Do Lincoln next! Presidential roast!

"CCCCCOOOOOOOOOBRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
— Hillary Rodham Clinton

You'll have to wait until I run for office to find out.

CTRL+F "solve crimes"
"No results."
*sigh of relief*

What kind of bender are you going to go on when Clinton wins in November? Were you thinking "pantsless screaming Martin Lawrence" or more of a Michael Douglas in Falling Down kind of thing? Keep us informed!

Flagged for patchy-beard-shaming. Also because you're human dogshit.

If somebody secretly recorded me at my most unguarded and volatile, the worst they'd get is me hurling a racial epithet at Netflix because it crashed in the middle of a Person of Interest episode.