Chinese have a lot of hells, Jack.

Oh my God, THAT'S who that was! It was driving me crazy.

I mean for Christ's sake, he's an eccentric tech billionaire named ELON MUSK.

I still don't believe we're living in a computer simulation, but now I'm suspicious that this is a Stranger Than Fiction-esque situation and the entire observable universe is an unpublished novel by Stephen Baxter.

I will concede that I went into it thinking "doesn't the director's cut show the LV426 colony just prior to everyone getting eaten by xenomorphs? That's so neat!" Then those scenes actually happened, and I just kind of sighed heavily for minutes on end.

I can understand why a lot of people didn't care for Keaton's Batman, but his Bruce Wayne was wonderful. He was shy, socially awkward, and self-effacing; he had trouble making eye contact; his Wayne Manor downtime seemed to consist solely of drinking alone in cavernous poorly-lit rooms. And all of that is EXACTLY how…

It definitely could've used less blindingly stupid, badly-acted colonists that all looked and sounded like failed auditioners for an ABC sitcom.

If you mean the theatrical cut of Aliens, hell no. The director's cut, on the other hand, is a goddamn masterpiece. I rewatched it for the first time in years just the other week, and was absolutely floored by how good it is. There's so much more of the visceral, otherworldly dread that makes the first one resonate so…

"Another bug hunt" is a brilliantly efficient way of telling the audience that there are other aliens in this universe and that the Colonial Marines have been called in to deal with them before. I have my share of misgivings towards James Cameron, but the man knows how to make a story move at maximum speed.

Alastair Reynolds wrote a short story about how the link between scientific advancement and visible stellar bodies is so crucial that, once cosmological drift puts enough distance between galaxies, it will be essentially impossible for any new species to evolve beyond a certain level. It's called "For the Ages", and…

FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!

It's at least one stray pubic hair away from being a perfectly accurate Big Mac.

They only let him hang around because they needed a reliable coke hookup.

"AdBlock THIS, you fucks!"

Because you watched Die Hard:
Jaws 3, Encino Man, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag, Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, Another Goddamn Documentary About Marijuana Seriously There's Like Fifty of Them On Here, Downton Abbey.

I own a secondhand turntable and a motley assortment of third-, fouth-, or fifth-hand used records. Some afternoons I'll throw one on at random, kick back on the couch, and have myself a good long vinyl nap. For me, it adds an ineffable soothing, meditative quality to whatever I'm listening to; for others, it sounds…

Great Job, Internet!: is "comedy" website Red Letter Media actually a front for Serbian sex traffickers?

For years I've daydreamed about a big-budget, Baz Luhrmann-esque space opera sci-fi musical incorporating the songs of ELO (particularly anything and everything off of Time). That would be an infinitely better use of their music than this movie, although that's not saying much.

"Deputy Culture Editor" is the most Orwellian-sounding job title I've ever heard in the private sector. I actually googled it to make sure it was a real thing.

I'll never stop being amused by the AV Club's passive-agressive bitchiness toward Red Letter Media. Especially now, when it's started to carry a note of "please keep visiting OUR site, please, some of us have families to provide for!" desperation.