2pit2r A2sce2di2g 2: The Re-Ascensioning
GET MORE STUPIDER
SUMMER 2017

"…But Jesus rebuked them, and cast them away from Him into the cornfield. And the others said unto Him: 'It is good that you have done this, O Lord. Yea, verily, it is good.'"

The Infancy Gospel of Thomas makes Jesus look like a deranged combination of Dennis the Menace and Neo in The Matrix Reloaded.

Does anyone else think of that freakishly elaborate mascotiverse as "the McDonalds Mythos"? Because I do, and I can't think of a more fitting name.

"EHHHH, I'LL JUST SHOW A VIDEO"

"You'll never find us. But, Team Breezy or hater…when your number's up, we'll find you."

THEY'RE COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!

I've never been the person responding to a "[This comment was deleted.]" guest post before. It feels gross.

If Domestic Abuse Apologist Bingo was a real thing, you just became a world-class contender.

Oh, hell yes.

You got me. Can you please point me in the direction of a scandal involving grotesque, brutal, virtually unpunished domestic violence that I can form a "valuable" and "fresh" opinion on? I'm super mega serious.

Because, barring all-too-rare exceptions - like Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, or Bill Cosby - most well-established and financialy solvent celebrities can simply walk away from just about anything that isn't a felony ( and even then, they tend to have plenty of wiggle-room). If you're an unrepentant abuser AND a…

I too enjoy casually dismissing someone's entirely legitimate opinions because I find their physical appearence to be obnoxious.

Hell, I opened this page almost three hours ago and I still can't figure out where mine went!

— Damon Lindelof

I got a "male; bar patron; thick luxurious muttonchops; chiseled features; totally anonymous" notification for this?

Sometimes I'm absolutely convinced I only dreamed about watching that movie, and then posts like this one fuck it all up.

WHERE WERE YOU?!

Maybe one day we'll get a painstakingly detailed breakdown of how public toilets work in the Star Wars universe. Is Warren Ellis available?

They're called "'freshers", and I despise myself for knowing that.