We could render internet search histories forever inadmissable in court if enough of us clicked this.

Read the headline as “Let These Fucks Bat in Peace”, thought this was going to be the last Cardinals post.

Thankfully, Joey Bosa has an Achilles tendon that he’s not using right now

I am not a fan of the Vikings, but I must confess I had no idea how devastatingly shitty the Vikings were until Steve corrected that oversight.

This is the worst of all possible takes.

why do these people take so much pride in having the best mall food

this made my day

I don’t understand why they didn’t bring in the guy who saved the Gremlins franchise. BATMAN GREMLIN IS IN THE MOVIE

I hope they make the playoffs. I could see a kind of “7-1 Panthers” effect if Deadspin continued to chronicle their losses into the postseason.

just make sure to collect the helium at night

This stuff is why I tolerate Bob Brenly

Every team should have a Josh Collmenter

My dilemma is that back pockets in general are useless to me. Sitting on anything is torture.

The Rio mayor’s comments are not racist. Its just advertising jargon.

“Life is like watching Fast and the Furious 6. Its not easy, most of the time its just dumb and pointless, everything is fake, there is a lot of noise, but if you close your eyes and picture yourself in an open field or a quiet forest, you can maybe make it to the end without killing yourself.” -Guru Jon Lajoie

This guy would be pretty good if he could throw a strike.

They should auction Jose Bautista’s sunglasses.