If you floss afterwards, you shouldn't get any plaque.

I don't know, but whichever asshole took the water has made a powerful enema.

3 kitchens and I didn't see 1 lunch pail. smh

Good thing he's not named Jewish Dicks or he'd be cut.

Leave Phil Kessel alone, dammit.

Looking Glass with a sailor's song about a girl named "Brandy".

Gabby Schilling: [gets bailed out by someone else]
Curt Schilling: [tears welling in his eyes] "A chip off the old block..."

"If there's a Jacques Demers joke I haven't read and enjoyed, it's because I'm Jacques Demers."
-Jacques Demers

"Showoff."

Coincidentally, "You lovly coaches are most likely mad about that," is how Jay Cutler starts off his letters to the Bears organization every offseason when they consider ditching him.

it's clearly not a banner deadline day.

My life's the same as before, but now I have a huge, bushy mustache on my face.

I would have expected him to be wearing a Red Sox cap, what with everyone getting B-headed.

"We don't give a fuck, we're actually Yankee fans."
-ISIS

Forman: Derrick, I told them you should be back for the playoffs.

You post a story about Arianny Celeste and you don't post any pictures of Arianny Celeste?

/sniff sniff sniff

The Lakers are 15-41.