I worked at a punk rock bar in college. It was well known and I really lucked out on getting the job. (long story short, my long time BF cheated on me and dumped me, forcing me out of our home my friends bring me there and the bar owner bought me an entire bottle of tequilla and offered me a job, I found a business…

I should not have laughed as hard at this as I did.

OH MY GOD IT’S SO FUCKING DUSTY IN HERE

Yeah, I’m like the only person I know of that eats a healthy, fresh food diet on SNAP. But I live in Portland, where there’s a co-op ten minutes from my house, multiple farmer’s markets multiple days of the week, and I can use my card to buy garden starts which will feed me for months. Plus I’m a vegetarian, which is…

And nerdy guys only want nerdy girls who can fill out Power Girl cosplay outfits. Nerds can be shallow too.

This will probably get buried in the greys but I want to share this one. So I’m a manager at a small hotel in Brighton, UK, and a couple of nights ago a mother and daughter came into the bar (it’s normally residsuonts only and pretty tiny) and had a few glasses of wine. The mother is very outgoing and starts to tell…

I NEVER learned how to take a good picture. I’m in college and constantly bombarded by other girls I know in flawless looking group photos and it makes me so mad. Like I think I’m generally a regular to pretty looking person, but as soon as I “pose” I can’t seem to not look like I’m quietly sharting. It also sucks…

I’ve never really understood the “heels = power” line of reasoning. They physically hobble the user, and make her look like she’s insecure about her height and the way her legs look.

I can’t wear heels for shit. It has nothing to do with the amount of pain, I just can’t hold my balance and totter around everywhere as if I’m deeply intoxicated. My feet are two different sizes and my left foot is always falling out of my shoes, so my heels need to be mary janes. Full stop. And even then I trip all…

I can do lipstick and flicky eyeliner but heels are my nemesis. And shaving. I always thought that women in shaving ads who have perfectly smooth and shiny legs had probably been rubbed up and down with baby oil for hours before being put on camera but I patted my friend’s leg the other day and it was so alarmingly…

Applying make up. Any kind..be it foundation or lipstick whatever. I look like a goddamn clown from Gacy’s collection

A moose ate him.

OH MY GOD! This made me recoil in horror thinking of the angels in disguise I’ve dealt with as a server. I have crippling social anxiety and rage directed pretty much toward anyone who is not a cat or koala, so serving is a little weird for me. It’s a challenge. It makes me interact with folks for money, though it 99%…

Colleen James’ story is my jam. I don’t know if that guy was just being silly or maybe actually has OCD (or both?), but as someone who has OCD and the propensity to be incredibly silly, her response and then his response make me sooo happy and giggly.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

I work at a small local crawfish and crab joint in the Bay Area. Customers are mixed and all varieties with average Tip being in the 15%-5% range (not a big deal, the work is easy, the bosses are great and the occasional 25% helps keep you sane for the 2-3 tables a shift you do get stiffed). Anyway, we have/had a…

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

I was a server for ONE night. At a dive bar in a college town (you know, bras and panties hanging from the fake deer antlers above the bar— and that’s not even the worst of it). I was in grad school and broke and the job was offered to me without an application or interview- so I took it. I worked a Thursday night (a…

I once had a customer who ordered a cheeseburger with Swiss but got cheddar. When the mistake was realized, I apologized and offered her a free cookie. She replied, “Honey, if this is the worse thing to happen to be today, then I’ve got a pretty good life.” After getting bitched at by stuck up college kids and…

I’d like to believe that all of these instances were Eddie Vedder in various disguises, gallivanting around the U.S. in a mission to make server life a better life.