Punching someone over a parking lot is lame and childish, which is why I carry a baseball bat. *

Da Bomb is actual poison and I refuse to believe anyone actually enjoys it. 

How is he supposed to spit fire if he can’t handle a little hot sauce?

Hot Ones is a great watch. Not only is the hot sauce bit funny, Sean Evans is legitimately one of the best interviewers on the planet. He does his research, asks interesting questions, and plays off his subject’s answers and energy. 

I’m team They Both Need to Sit Down, Shut Up and Think Long and Hard About Their Current Life Choices Before Going on TV/Instagram/Twitter and Being Messy as Fuck.

a) she’s barely an adult, brain-wise
b) she’s gotta have major PTSD

I’ll give her a pass.

I refuse to believe that Justin Timberlake has interesting enough sex to need a safe word.

And while they’re at it, give Baphomet their titties!!

The goat-headed statues do look pretty similar, down to the hand signals, ears, and beard:

I think the Satanic Temple is different than the Church of Satan. The Satanic Temple’s main thing is to try to subvert religious freedom laws or use religious freedom arguments (ie in a challenge against restrictive abortion laws) to challenge the way those laws and arguments almost exclusively mean religious freedom…

She should tell him he can try birthing a boy all he wants. 

Your family and coworkers haven’t weighed in yet?

My friend is pregnant with twins. When her husband found out it was girls he immediately informed her he’d be wanting to try for a boy. How about maybe wait a hot second for her to even have these babies before that decision?

Matt McConaughey said that time is a flat circle. So that means that if Emmie is 10 and Crew is 1, then in 4 years, Emmie will be 17 and Crew will be an oblate spheroid. That's, like, physics. 

Chip Gaines: “I was told there would be no math.”

Chip is the typical awful fundie Christian asshole with this shit. I hate him.

“It’s hard to believe this little turkey [Crew] will only be 10 years old when [second-oldest] Emmie is graduating from high school.”

YEP. I am 27 and I too have hit the cry-at-everything milestone. I tear up because my dog is JUST SO SWEET AND PURE. I tear up because my fiancé is doddering around the bedroom in his underwear and I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I cried FOR A WEEK whenever I thought of my best friend’s pregnancy. I wonder if this ends or if…

Translation: Everybody hates Justin Timberlake right now and he had someone ghost-write some insipid piece of crap full of all the fake details about his marriage to win our hearts back. Jessica will be pregnant again by Xmas.

Nothing says Republican family values like a man and the woman he left his wife and 5 children for.