This was one of his better ones recently, IMO, but 2009 will always be my favorite:

I love single stream recycling. Everything in one bin.

also, Tristan managed to age into a whole new person!

Here’s my conundrum. Can “illegals” get abortions in the U.S. as long as it serves the right wing’s view of deportation?

PLEASE KEEP ASKING THIS QUESTION.

“a toxic Hot Pocket glued to a micropenis”

Question: as POTUS will Trump’s tax returns for the next 4 years now be available under FOIA?

The crowd will be ENORMOUS. But it will also be snow-blindingly white.

Hopefully today will be my first full day of work. Yesterday I was sent home, “not as a reprimand, but to calm down and get some perspective.”

In the coming days people will be looking for someone to blame, the pollsters, the strident feminists, the Democratic Party, a vengeful god, but once you dust for finger prints, it’s pretty clear who ruined America—white people. I guess, ruining Brooklyn was just a dry run. The caucasian nation turned up in droves to…

And our hard-working ultra-prepared female candidate lost to a trust fund baby who rolled out of bed one day and decided he should be president. Of all the fucking people.

Just when I think I’ve run out of tears, a joke about pears gets me.

My dumbass cousin voted for Gary Johnson in OHIO and then posted on Instagram this morning hysterical about how the country could elect Trump.

It is astonishing that people don’t get this.

But it does matter. Even when your state is a sure thing for one candidate or the other, it still matters. Do you want to be one of the apathetic masses who never turn out and are not considered “likely voters” and are thus ignored when party platforms are decided? Do you want to be one of the couple of hundred votes…

I think this is the first year that hubs and I aren’t cancelling each other’s vote!!

Voted for her this morning. Voted for a woman for president! Yes, it meant something. I cried.

What if Barron and Donald did a freaky Friday and we have all been mocking Barron this whole time when donald is trapped in Barron’s body?

You know, say what you will about Emma Stone, but it is nice to see mixed race Asian Americans getting significant roles in major films like this

I imagine it’s something like when you friend a coworker at your new job on facebook, and see that they have one mutual friend, so the next day at work you’re like “how the hell do you know Sarah, my ex-boyfriend’s sister-in-law?!” and they’re like “oh weird, she was my childhood babysitter for 3 months until my…