An alarm clock is a fun gift for a boy? Do they stock toothbrushes and apples in the candy aisle at Halloween?

I always wondered what the story of the dog was (a schnauzer I think?) Doomed to spend all eternity buying, selling, and trading Atlantic City real estate, bankruptcy always only a roll of the dice away...

Why are there people at all? Aren’t the Monopoly pieces traditionally objects? Should they be like, droids, ships, and weapons? It’s Monopoly, not Clue.

The real story is an 8 year old giving a flying fuck about Monopoly.

Good point. Monopoly turns ordinary kids into scheming, corrupt little Gordon Gekkos and Jordan Belforts.

Genie L Jackson?

Peak Root right now with all this rage.

My lunch lady wore gloves when selling food to kids when I was at school, DOES THIS MEAN SHE SUSPECTED US OF HAVING AIDS?

The real issue is that someone is getting called out for wearing gloves while handling and giving out food.

Since wearing gloves while distributing food is apparently now racist, was Twitter equally quick to drag this racist?

Each 76ers summer camp and preseason comes with a rigorous training schedule.

What a baby. In my church league nothing short of a compound fracture keeps the big fellas out. Hell, I’ve been playing on an STD for weeks. The real issue here is with the fortitude of these young men. Either pony up or saddle off chief. I pay far too much for cable for this nonsense and frankly I’ve had enough.

His entire game makes looks like that of the best player on a small town high school team.

Transparency does not necessarily equate to being nice.

Fuck you!

Nope. The last time we tried to be 20% nicer, we got fucked. Meanness quotient remains.

This is fucking fantastic.

The thing about shit-talking Waiters is that sometimes they spit in your food.

On the plus side, with “I’m a corncob who eats trash,” you’ve inadvertently created the best Kinja handle since “Smirking Bristol Chimp No. 347.”

One girl who had the best hit rate with a blaster in the entire trilogy. One girl who meant the WORLD to a bunch of little girls who didn’t have that many female characters to watch who actually got in on the action. One girl who too charge of her own rescue because clearly that was going to be the only thing that…