you could turn it into a beautifully bound book but not edit a single word.

i got a new job in june and got married in august, so this summer was kind of a stresful blur. good stressful, but stressful. now i'm back from the honeymoon and it turns out the whole world has gone to shit.

i have a giant, round butt. sometimes thongs are the only option under certain outfits because other types of underpants and simply not equipped to deal with my butt.

there is a mechanic in my hometown that is absolutely amazing. he listens when i tell him what's wrong, he details exactly what's wrong with my car, asks if i need clarification without sounding condescending and always answers any questions i have. he offers options and advice depending on how much money i can spend…

are....are you from south jersey by any chance? i think i may have bought drugs from that guy sometime around 2004.

i really can't say enough good things about them.

derbyskinz.com

probably cheaper, bigger size selection, and more options for colors and styles.

exactly! my wedding is in a few weeks and i'm SURE there will be a few high people there, but they're going to blaze up in the parking lot like respectable wedding guests and then quietly giggle into their fourth slice of wedding cake without disturbing anyone. that's just good manners.

that is exactly what would happen to me. no thanks, i plan on maintaining a solid buzz by demurely sipping white wine throughout my wedding. i'm traditional that way.

i mean, maybe swap out billy bragg/underpants/arts and crafts to reflect whatever your interests are. or try mine! it's a lot of fun and i made a very pretty dress not too long ago.

that's just....that's too much weed. i like weed and all, but that's too much.

also, i would fucking HATE to be high around that many relatives. alcohol is a social drug, weed is for doing arts and crafts alone in my bedroom in my underpants while listening to Billy Bragg.

i am frequently mistake for both a lesbian and a hipster. this explains so much.

every so often i will be scratching my shoulder, and i'll feel that twinge of a hair being plucked, and i will look at my fingers and fine a very fine, very blonde hair that is about 6 inches long. i must take a year for that little fucker to grow to that length, and as far as i know it is the only abnormal hair i…

wait, short hair and converse is the uniform now? this explains why i've been getting hit on by so many women lately.

i agree with you on this one. the last time i was a bridesmaid the one woman in the party who made a decent living suggested an expensive weekend in new york city. one of the other bridesmaids said, "nope, i don't make that much money. here's what i can afford." and we figured out something we could all afford. it…

This. I spent two and a half years working at Victoria's secret because my manager was so excellent. I left about a month after she did.

i think people lack the math skills to understand statistics and scientific data. Numbers are powerful and confusing to a lot of people.

i don't mind an appreciative glance, that's fine. it's the lip-licking, cat calling, 30 second long, "baby you oughta be ashamed of what you're doing to me right now" kind of leering that makes me want to take a shower.

let me make one thing very clear. i am pro-jewelry. ESPECIALLY when it comes to alternative engagement rings.

my fiance and i are paying for the venue ( a community center in our home town), the dj (an old coworker who's giving us a generous discount), a buffet of tasty but ultimately cheap food (think sandwiches and salads.) and cake (homemade). we planned to pay for wine and beer, but a homebrewing relative is providing the…