Fuck em.

If the Mazda is “too big” any compact car will be too big, so what you are looking at is one size down. You also want it zippy and sporty, and used, so here are your options :

Right? An old Volvo 240 without the long roof is like cake without the frosting.

“When life gives you a lemon, burn that shit down in 36 years.”

2018-ish, as gently used as possible, Rolls Royce Wraith for me:

Take it apart and if you fail at the clutch fix... whatever. Seems to me you could part it out for at least $1500. The new clutch (if Stage 2) is worth at least $500 alone. The two front fenders would net at least $400. A working sunroof retails for $1000. Even if you have the rest sent to the crusher you won. NP. 

I’d like to hear the tale of the engine.

The seller is quite a wordsmith, but no one in their right mind would spend near $10K for grandpa’s old ride. 

Shut up. I ain’t crying. Even if I was, I can stop whenever I want. Awesome that this is one of the last experiences Mr. Geddis ever had in his long life. Empathy can grow from suffering. I still ain’t crying that much.

On a dollar-per-pound or cubic foot basis, it’s hard to beat a used domestic minivan.

That Asian Zing flavor is delicious, that’s my only comment on this matter. 

“Triggered”?

Put some flags of the banana republic I rule despotically on the front and my personal decoy can drive this around to meet my subjects.

Finally, I get to tell this story.

“It shows the Wrangler, in both two-door and four-door trim, as the most-marked-up car in twenty four states — nearly half the country, for those of you who didn’t ace your fourth-grade geography tests.”

Get out of my head: I came here specifically to name-check Leon and 2 Days In The Valley.

Gays and Black women constitute 95% of the people that seem to find me attractive and will tell me about it.

A hot dog isn't a sandwich, you heretic! Chicago dogs also use unauthorized toppings.

Big thumbs up to Benji’s! If you get out to MI, you need to give Zingerman’s a try (if I’m not mistaken both stock from Sy Ginsberg’s meats) their half Corned Beef/half Pastrami is probably at the top of my list.