On the one hand, I share Jennifer Aniston’s feelings about Justin Theroux. On the other hand, she has slept with Brad Pitt, John Mayer, and Vince Vaughn, so as Tim Gunn would say, I am concerned about her taste level.

WHOA. Holly never signed a NDA? I know this is not my best moment, but......

This. Other than panty liners on the very last day of my period when there isn’t enough for a tampon, I will never wear pads again. They make my crotch area feel like a moist, bloody swamp.

You're a genius. Some engineer needs to start working on a way to make this happen immediately. We can call it the cunt pump.

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

I squeaked, said, “That’s four pounds seventy”

Jesus, each of these stories should have ended with a scalding bowl of soup to the dick for the men involved.

The story about the cancer-free anniversary “date” is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. That’s some Ralph Wiggum/Lisa Simpson shit right there.

This just sounds like a kind of weird 20 something trying to be edgy, but it’s perfect pearl clutching material

A 43 year old essay? Obviously a reason to totally discredit a candidate. Days old support for a pedophile? Well, that’s just an expression of religious freedom.

Holy crap. This guy’s manspreading is amazing. He has actually worked his legs to be so wide open that they’re practically in a straight line as opposed to an angle. Do NOT sit next to this man on the subway.

For crissakes! If you’re going to dance.........DANCE!

It’s her third wedding. You think she’d be better at this by now.

He’s got a face that you WANT to want to punch, plus, you can’t help but think about the fact that he’d grab your ex on the rebound and convince her to have sex somewhere fairly uncomfortable, like the back seat of a volkswagon.

That’s So Kanye™

Right, but he could have been like “Can you change your gloves? I can’t have pork touch my food because I am Muslim” but instead he said the weirdly ominous “pork ass hands” thing which makes the story hilarious in the telling and was probably totally confusing to the teenager experiencing it. This better become a…

As someone who doesn’t eat pork either, there’s a much better way to handle it than that. I would have said, “Would you mind changing your gloves? I don’t eat pork.”

The not-Norman Reedus one (Ya hear that, Sean Patrick Flannery? You’re the fucking “other” Boondock Saint, now, you putz).

The Duggars aren't a cult, but they ARE members of a cult. Totally different. They're part of a group called Quiverfull, which is an extreme Christian movement that states that women must have as many kids as physically possible, and she has to stay home and take care of and homeschool the kids. Here's a little fun…

But they are TOTALLY SELF SUFFICIENT, right? And screw all those poor people who actually need public assistance for their totally reasonably-sized family of four, right? They should either have to be sick or bankrupt instead of having universal healthcare that would make the rest of us good Christians pay for birth…