I have friends in the RCMP and we talk shop on the Skyephone. And I never fail to tell them I love them and the way Canadians manage to do civilization and kindness in a way we fail at here in the States. If I knew I wouldn’t freeze first step off the plane and they could understand my accent, I would be there in a…

Oh Jesus on an ice cream truck, please don’t start. The indoor cat people will come over and tear you to shreds. “RILLY? YOU LET YOUR GORILLA OUT ON HIS OWN? DON’T YOU KNOW THE DAMAGE AN APE CAN CAUSE? SIMIAN ABUSER!”

Have sex with it? Darlin’, I’ve married and divorced him twice.

So do squirrels, possums, raccoon, armadillos and little old ladies in motorized wheelchairs.

Now you have sprung my Someone On The Interwebs is wrong trigger, and I must reply. Damn you, Internet!

“I will not let abuse be waved off!”

Saves time to have your next victim planned and plotted.

Your perfection must be a terrible burden to those around you. There is no comparison between the two situations. Cats are predatory animals fitted for survival outside or there would not be thriving colonies of feral cats with no human oversight. A child and an unsecured handgun is an entirely different matter.…

I had a cat who had literally never set foot outside because I was determined that I was not going to lose him. One Christmas Eve he shot out the door as company came in and went across the road - once. Now I have cats that live in the middle of several acres and float in and out of the house, well fed, neutered,…

In your corner: http://www.syracuse.com/us-news/index.…

I have a small farm, and my cats are absolutely my allies in keeping it rodent free. That’s a longstanding traditional role for cats on farms. I have always been amazed at how they can kill like hired assassins and still be loving pets. While I am sad when they kill things I’d rather they not, they also keep my chicks…

Neither is it difficult to examine your own dialogue and ask yourself if it is appropriate to apply the term “horrible racist fuck” to an entire population made up of many diverse cultures. You ask for tolerance, but your words are spiteful. And so we water the gardens of hate, you with your ugly words and me with my…

Thank you. The use of “mentally ill” as a catch phrase for any behavior we do not understand is seldom called out for its ugliness. I see it used here to label everything from serial murder to a fondness for mayonnaise. Millions of people shoulder the painful burden of disorders that fall under that category and…

I don't know what I have done to deserve not only being continually gray but also to be deprived by Kinja of an edit button....

There is no logic, no well-reasoned argument, no appeal to humanity that will change the behavior of someone enjoying the particular kind of mental illness Cliff describes. A grenade might do it, but I doubt it. Cliff is a survivor and a particular compassionate one as well. But it would be immensely satisfying to…

By God, I have stayed up til 3 in the morning because someone on the Interwebs was WRONG.

Wow, asshole much?

When you remember this conversation, imagine your acquaintance suddenly flying across the room and crashing into the wall as a deep voice from above thunders, "THIS IS GOD'S WAY OF TELLING YOU THAT WHEN I WANT SOMEONE TO KNOW SOMETHING I WILL TELL THEM MY OWN DAMN SELF."

I have enough resources to run the Starship Enterprise and I have finally accepted the fact that Chrome, like the Internet Explorer 11 update that I have tried to download for six months (I didn’t want to use IE but it was the principle of the thing) is shot and we are never, ever getting back together.

Hey scooter...If you scrub your kid's face with a steel wool soap pad because he's dirty, is that "washing his face"? CPS didn't think so, nor did local law enforcement. This is as far from "giving a child a haircut" as you are from a winning personality.