My homeowner's insurance was cancelled for, among other things that displeased my underwriter, "vicious wolflike dogs". These vicious wolflike dogs were my two elderly and mostly blind Collies, who could on a cloudy day with your fingers stuck in your eyes, resemble "wolves". However, they were proud to mistaken for…

Whether she is angelically beautiful or a hysterical mess, how dare she make fun of her brother's weight. And maybe we could just slide that period back a word to "brother".

Nobody's brave enough to eat at my house anyway so I'll cop to washing the dog, cat and parrot's toys and dishes AND the ornaments and other fish furniture out of the aquarium. Also it makes flip-flops look like new. Also my rubber currycombs and my horse's bits. If I could put the dog in there I'd wash him. It…

Oh! I got that one! When you get your Droid, you have to sit down with and enter all the obscenities you like to use in the dictionary. Took me three hours the first time, but then I transferred them to an SD. Someone should make an app.

If I could sent internet flowers and booze, you would be inundated today.

Thank you, they are, they are just poorer and have smaller asses. Sorta like the Walmart version of the Kardashians...Waldashians.

So how long do a blow job actually take under these circumstances?

Jesus Christ is this sarcasm or you just a babbling moron?

Dear Rob -

Nothing makes you feel like eating the gun more acutely than depression. It is not the blues, but a black Warg that attaches itself to your spine and you drag it through every day. I'm a Hemlock Society member; I believe that we have the right to death on our terms, when all other options become untenable. Everybody…

I have an associate who refuses to eat at a local chain restaurant because he was served a dry hamburger. Not just that particular location - all of them. He once refused to partake in a colleague's reception because they had catered it - he went and sat in the car. I'm sure if he knew there was a Yelp he would have…

I've clicked your name and read your posts and they're all the same M.O. - I was especially fond of the one where you defended the Westboro Baptist Church. You're a contrarian. You love to think you're the lone defender of the skewed truth. But you're not, ellenjane. You're just a commenter on a blog, and you're…

Your life appears to be conducted on the internet, attacking people whom you do not know and spewing psychopathic bile at them. If you're trolling, it's well done; if you're not, you have the soul of an anaconda. But carry on, ma'am, because I'd rather have you vomiting acid on the internet (where nothing is real)…

You...you...really aren't trolling, are you? I mean, you truly believe can see into people's hearts and everything? OH MY GOD YOU'RE NOT JESUS ARE YOU?

In my job we call this "the thousand yard stare" and we handle them VERY carefully. The crazy is very strong in this one. She shouldn't be trusted with a pet rock.

I'm a happy one.

Dave, Cletus, Bootsy and Baptiste. Love to meet another Robichaux fan for fair!

I'm just drunk enough to ask the Birdman of Jezebel why he really hates pussy.

I'm sorry for you. Partly because I can tell you're living with some kind of really invasive genital infection that makes you nasty and partly because sometime, somewhere, you are going to show your ass to the wrong person IRL and when you wake up you will not speak the language of the country in which you landed.

And I will hunt you do n and chop all your toes off and feed them one by one to my Main Maine Coon, Dave Robichaux, while you lead us to where you took Kelly's kitty. The faster you go the more toes you can have reattached.