I'm sorry for you. Partly because I can tell you're living with some kind of really invasive genital infection that makes you nasty and partly because sometime, somewhere, you are going to show your ass to the wrong person IRL and when you wake up you will not speak the language of the country in which you landed.

And I will hunt you do n and chop all your toes off and feed them one by one to my Main Maine Coon, Dave Robichaux, while you lead us to where you took Kelly's kitty. The faster you go the more toes you can have reattached.

Let me put it this way: A lot of people without children weighed in on this. They haven't got a dog in this fight. That I think is why we got our hackles up. You go do it, come back and tell us how it's done and I'll be happy for you. But you have to factor in time to get yourself and your kids ready for…

Oh that's just the bullshit that they say to keep the Violence Patrol off their backs. My kickboxing instructor gave the same speech about "using our powers for the good of our body and never for violence" and then told me "If you don't breaking his fucking ribs when you kick him, you're not listening." Kickboxing…

Too later, I had a decal made for my truck window!

For the childless to tell us how to raise our children is like a West Point Cadet criticizing the lack of neatness and order on the front lines of a battlefield. Get your hands dirty first, newcock. You get plenty of exercise picking up crying children, 80 pound wet loads of laundry, and all the other childhood…

You are sweet, and this would be true except that 54 years of being a paranoid, hyperaware cynical grumpy cat whose ability to make a snap judgement on very little information keeps her alive informs these comments. Maybe she is a precious mother. But the narcissists seldom make good mothers, and the shallower the…

My darling, you are not living in a real-world scenario. What activity would you like a cranky baby to do? Or a seven year old who needs to get ready for school?

Kim Kardashian is to women as women's magazines are to real life.

Let's put in what was edited out by her people...."I am (telling the nannies to be ) strict about her bedtime." Also thank God for the nannies. I know gators that would make a better parents.

If there were androids among us (AND WHO KNOWS) this would be one of the ones I'd suspect.

I come from a long line of moonshine runners and none of them were sex offenders. Good day, sir!

It's as near as you can get to "performing a conscripted act upon a minor without the parent's permission" but the "actual crime" here is the exposure of children to a sex offender . I don't care if it said "bitch" or "bunny". The mother of the tattoo recipient should be charged with sloppy parenting. She's lucky…

Cranky old bitch here says the real headline should be, SEX OFFENDER LIVES WITH GIRLFRIENDS CHILD, HAS OTHER CHILDREN COME TO HIS HOUSE.

I LOVE tips and tricks but I have to say that these,minus the water bottle trick, appear in my mom's Better Homes and Gardens Tips and Tricks for the Housewife, a little book which sold for 50 cents at the checkout counter. I think I don't have to put an exact date on this, do I? I'm just sorry that they omitted the…

This is just frightening. This has to be the nadir of Lifehackers. Few adults are unable to hang with it until they reach a toilet. I just...I can't...The next thing will be a Shit Kit for when you accidentally poop your pants.

When I retire, should I not die of apoplexy at one too many Florida-being-sawed-off-the-nation gifs, I will travel the world slapping the fuck out of people like this.

I had no idea you could diagnose me from the internet. I'm impressed. I did not know I was replying to an omniscient being.

If you don't have major health problems, shop around, use mail order, whatever saves you money. But if you do have major health problems, it's worth the money to cultivate a relationship with a pharmacist. The independent pharmacy is starting to make a comeback, although Publix usually has pretty awesome personnel. …

It's not a choice, any more than a major disability is a choice. If you fixed your depression with your attitude then you did not have clinical depression; you can no more fix that by willpower than you can fix your disability.