Don't you know that being labelled a racist is, like, the worst thing ever? They're not racist, they're nice people!

A cursory googling reveals that Buddy ended up mating with a female penguin. I'm not sure about Pedro though. I'm at work, so I'm trying not to have too many "gay penguin" searches show up in my browser history.

also 'vulvatron' is so much better than 'adultosaur' and i'm so jealous i could scream.

That hem length + boot height = crime against all human eyeballs. Seriously, how does she not see how stumpy and ungraceful that makes her look? I have no other objections to her outfit, but that one is a big one.

A mini-course in budgeting, decisionmaking, and priorities. Very smart.

HAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT, ATTRACTIVE LADIES. WE GET TO EAT ALL THE NOTHING BURGERS. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA *spills all over sweatpants and eats it off sweatpants*

Aaah the I-Have-A-Judgmental-Perfectionist-Bitch-Of-A-Mother Club. Welcome new member, welcome.

(PS - your story broke my heart. Stay strong in spite of her.)

Unfortunately, those shitty kids eventually grow up into shitty people, and are then inflicted on the rest of us.

15-20 years from now, we'll be getting another piece from this guy complaining about how entitled and selfish his adult daughters are.

It makes me happier than it really should when shitty parents complain about having to live with the results of their shitty parenting.

Books are a perfectly legitimate thing to allow wrangling of. Well done.

Yeah, I can't really deny books to my daughter. Clothes, toys (if I step on another g-d lego . . .) - yes. But books? Any you want, my sweet child!

Dear dad,

I hate Kyle. He better get it together now or he is profoundly fucked. My 12 year old stepdaughter asked for a four wheeler for Christmas because her stepdad got one and we sang her our Frozen remix called "Do you want to go to college?" Kyle would've bought the stupid thing and then blamed the outdoor recreation…

His stoic expressions? His flawless 80s hair bouffant? His white trench coat? His never-quite-a-smile-that-peers-into-the-depths-of-your-soul? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE HOLD HE HAS ON ME.

Rick Astley is an unstoppable force. I've been telling people this since 1987.

Mark Shrayber, just when I thought I couldn't love you more, you have to throw this out

Please please please let Obama pick another supreme court justice before 2016. 2 more would be heaven and at least ensure the status quo, but that may be asking too much.